I walked out of that building as quickly as I could. You would have thought it was on fire by my urgency but I needed to get out of there. I managed to get a cab home and as I sat in the back of it I just couldn’t get the feeling of Tamra’s hands on me out of my head. I felt dirty. I felt like every part of me had been violated even though nothing went beyond inappropriate touching. More than anything though, I felt like I had betrayed Jess. I couldn’t even get the courage up to call her right now.
What would I even tell her?
“We’re here, love,” the cab driver’s voice broke me out of my thoughts.
“Oh, sorry. Here,” I handed him money but he simply put it back in my hand.
“The ride’s on me. You look like you’ve had a hard day,” he said with a kind smile.
“Yeah something like that,” I said, smiling back. “Thank you.”
He nodded to me and I got out of the cab, walking quickly up to my apartment. As soon as I got in I locked the door behind me and broke down. I couldn’t even hold myself up as I slid down to the floor. How could I let this happen? I was usually so outspoken but it was like this woman had some sort of power over me. I was scared of her and I was scared of what would happen to Jess if I refused her demands.
I jumped when I suddenly heard my phone go off. I looked at the screen to see a text from Jess and I opened it immediately.
‘Hey did they let you go home yet? I’ve been waiting for your call xxx’
I wanted nothing more than to call Jess. I just wanted to hear her voice right now but I couldn’t do it. I needed time to think.
‘I wasn’t feeling well so I got a cab home. I’m really sorry I didn’t call but I think I’m just gonna go sleep.’
Her reply came almost immediately.
‘Baby, you should have called. I’m telling Holly we can’t go out and I’m coming over. x’
I panicked at that and quickly typed out another reply. I didn’t want Jess to see me like this. I just needed some space to think tonight.
‘No, no. You go out with Holly. I’m fine I just need some sleep. You go have fun I know you haven’t seen her in a while.’
‘Are you sure? I don’t like not being able to take care of you :(‘
‘I’m absolutely sure. I love you.’
‘I love you too. I’ll talk to you later xxx’
I got up from my spot on the floor and went straight into my room. I stripped down and found a large hoodie and some joggers so I chucked those on before heading to the bathroom to wash the make-up from my face.
I sighed heavily as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot and looking slightly puffy where I’d been crying so much. Basically I looked like shit. I needed to figure this mess out before it ruined my life and possibly Jess’s. I felt like it was all in my hands and it was all too much.
I pulled the hood over my head and curled up in my bed, hoping it just get a few hours of sleep. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was glancing at the picture of Jess and me that I kept next to my bed. In the end, I just wanted us to be okay. We had to be okay.
