I just stood there looking at him in his eyes not knowing what to say. Am I suppose to say it back just because he said it even though I dont love him. I've never even been in love before. Why did he have to say that to me. Dont get me wrong I care about Dre, but I know what type of nigga he is. I refused to get my feelings caught up wit somebody like him because if I was gonna get my heart broken. It was definately gonna be worth it. Dre was, is, and always will be a player, but he made me laugh and we normally have a good time together.
Shawn: Dre..I dont know what to say.
Dre: Just say it back.
Shawn: I cant.
Dre: Why the f***k not?(he said irritated)
Shawn: Because I would be lyin if I did and I hate liars. I care about u a lot but love just aint what comes to my mind when I think of u...im sorry.
I got out the shower tryna avoid hurtin his feelings even more but Dre ass is stubborn. On top of that his ego is larger than life itself, and I knew he wouldnt let it go. I went to my room to dry off, and just like I thought he followed me out the bathroom. I had to stop my self from gettin turned because he was still naked and drippin wet from the shower.
Dre: What u mean u dont love me?
Shawn: Exactly what I said fool.
Dre: We been talkin for almost a year and u mean to tell me u dont feel nothin at all for me?
Shawn: I didnt say I dont havin feelings for u I said im not in love wit u, its a difference.
Dre: Man whatever nigga u love me.
Shawn: How u figure that?(i asked bending down to dry my legs off)
Dre: Because if u didnt u wouldnt let me do this.
He pushed me towards my bed and I landed on my stomach. Then he spread my ass cheeks and dove in face first. This feeling was new to me, but I loved it. Like I said im a virgin not because I cant get none, but I have more respect for myself than to just give it to anybody. Im a hopeless romantic and I want my first time to be special. He was doin all kind of s***t to me that had me go crazy but I had to stop him.
Shawn: Oooohhh s***t dre stop..ummmmm(i tried to get up but he pulled me back down)
Dre: Unh unh where u goin?
Shawn: Dre please stop.
Dre: Shhhh
He was f***kin me wit his tongue and my body started to shake. I was still tryin to get away but he had his arms lock around my waist and kept pullin me back. Finally I found the strength to get up and wiggle away from him.
Dre: Man what the f***k why u fightin me just go with the flow.
Shawn: Nigga aint no damn flow im not about to let u f***k me after I caught yo ass kissin that b***h Terry.
Dre: What the hell u talkin about?
Shawn: Save the dumb s***t u know what im talkin about. Thats the reason I broke up wit yo ass because I saw yall under the bleacher before yo game. I was lookin for u to tell u good luck but u was busy kissin that nasty hoe.
Dre: I dont know what u talkin about man I dont like that girl.
Shawn: Oh my god u really gone sit hear and lie to face like I dont know what I saw.
Dre: Ok look, I kissed her but that aint mean s***t I love u bae.
Shawn: Is that what u tell all of ya hoe's when u get caught. It didnt mean s***t because yo secret aint a secret no more so it was a mistake. Nigga u knew what u were doin and she damn show mean somethin.
Dre: No she dont man stop f***kin trippin it didnt mean nothin.
Shawn: Yes it did because if it didnt yo ass wouldna did it. Look i know u use to f***kin around wit dumb b***hes but we both niggas. That "baby im sorry" s***t is for the birds, and just because u say "I love u" dont mean nothin.
Dre: Ok so what u want me to say, im sorry? If thats what u wanna hear then im sorry.
Shawn: No I dont want u to tell me u sorry because u think thats what I wanna hear. I want u to say sorry because u mean it dummy, but it dont matter either way it go because WE DONT GO TOGETHER!!
Dre: So what u sayin u over me?
Shawn: Pretty much, im interested in someone else right now and I wanna see where it could go.
Dre: Who? That punk ass pretty boy wit the long hair? Is that who u got that hickie from?
Shawn: I dont have explain s***t I do to u, and even if he was we aint together.
Dre: Man what the f***k ever u aint breakin up wit me.
Shawn: What u gone make me be wit u?(i laughed) Nigga u cant even claim me in public. All I could ever be to u is yo dirty little secret. U dont f***kin love me so stop lyin to me and wastin yo f***kin time.
Dre: So thats it, its over just like that before it even started.
Shawn: Look dre u aint ready for what im ready for. Im comfortable wit who I am, and I can respect the fact that u not.
Dre: U actin real heartless right now to say u care about me.
Shawn: IM HEARTLESS!?! Nigga I came out to my mama because of yo ass! U the reason I aint talked to her in a f***kin year. We were suppose to come out together but u left me hangin because u b***hed out. U prolly never planned on doin it no way because u still aint f***kin did it. U let me get kick out of my home and ruin my relationship wit the most important person in my life, but im heartless.(i started to cry)
Dre: Shawn im sor-
Shawn: Just...Get out man please.
He stood there for a second lookin like the a***e that he was and finally put his s***t on and got out. It wasnt to often that I talked about what happened between me and my mom. It was a subject that always turned me into a b***h. I eventually cried my self to sleep after about a hour of just layin in the bed ballin my eyes out. I woke up the next morning still naked wit a headache from all the cryin. I really didnt wanna go to school, but I knew if I stayed home I would just be sittin around depressed. When I was done gettin ready I slowly but surely made my way to the bus stop. Que was there waitin for me and seeing him kinda brighten my day. Now I at least had somebody I could actually talk to with out it turning into an arguement. The fact that he knew about me and dre was startin to be a good thing.
Que: Wussup shawn, u good?
Shawn: Nah, actually im not. Me and Dre had a arguement lastnight.
Que: I already told u to drop that nigga, and talk to courtney.
Shawn: He told me he love me.
Que:....Damn, thats deep. So what u say back?
Shawn: I told him the truth.
Que: Which was?
Shawn: That I cared about him but I wasnt in love.
Que: Well..At least u told the truth. So where did a arguement come about?
Shawn: He called me heartless and that was the last f***k straw. I went off on his ass and let him know I felt like it was his fault my life took a turn for the worse.
Que: What u mean?
Shawn: He was the reason I told my mama about my sexuality. If it wasnt for him sayin he was gone tell his parents too than,i wouldna did it. I come to school the next day all bruised up and s***t while this nigga just steady livin his normal life. Its took a weight off of my shoulders to not have to hide who I am no more but I just wish I didnt have to lose my mom in the process.
Que: I feel where u comin from, but u cant really blame him for that.
Shawn: Why the f***k not?
Que: Because u know how his ass is, and it aint like he held a gun to yo head to make u tell her. U did it because thats just who u are. U to damn honest for yo own good sometimes, and like it or not it might bite u in the ass every so often. Dont stop bein that way though its what makes u, u. Thats why I f***ks wit u so tough because u always keep it real no matter what.
Shawn: Yea I guess.
Que: u aint gotta guess nigga I just told u.(he laughed)
The ride to school was quiet because I was wrapped up in my thoughts. Maybe I was wrong for blamin dre for my situation. I still dont wanna be wit him, but that dont mean I cant apologize to him. I got off the bus on a mission, and that was to find dre. I said hey to everybody and hurried off on my search. I was stopped by somebody callin my name, and I turned around none other than sexy ass courtney. When he caught up to me he pulled me into a hug and gave me a quick peck on the lips. I was caught by suprise that he actually did that in front of everybody. I was so use to havin to hide wit dre that I didnt really know how to react. I started feelin embarrassed again as my face turned red from me blushin. I dont know why but this dude made me feel like a little school girl.
Court: Wussup shawty.(he said smilin)
Shawn: Hey court.
Court: Damn I got u blushin and s***t huh, I knew u liked me.(he laughed)
Shawn: I aint blushin, I just dont feel to good thats all.
Court: Whats wrong?(he asked concerned)
Shawn: I was looking for my friend dre. We had a arguement lastnight that didnt end to good.
Court: Look at u tryna be a noble, thats cute.(he smiled)
Shawn: Whatever.(i laughed)
Court: So come on and tell daddy what happened.
He put his arm around me and we started walkin to my locker. I told him everything that happened, and he just listened. It was so easy talkin to him because he made me feel comfortable around him. Like what I had to say really mattered. Damn is it possible that im fallin for this dude already and it only been not even two days?
