I sat there feeling like I made the biggest mistake of my life. What the f***k is wrong wit me how could I tell shawn that? I guess I couldnt hide the way I felt forever, and honestly a little part of me is relieved that he knows now. He was so sexy wit them pretty ass eye and his smile made me smile. He aint no b***h nigga either so that makes him even more attractive, and he got a fat ass that I aint never seen on a dude. I been in love wit shawn since we was little, and its only gotten stronger as we grew up. He is always there for me when I need him no matter what. Like when me and angie was together and had problems he was the one i'd run to for advice. Everything he told me to do or say would always help, but secretly it was him that I been wantin all this time. He would even help me wit my school work, and was always so patient wit me even though I acted like I didnt catch on, on purpose just so he could stay longer. Then when he came out that made me want him even more, but I tried to put my feeling about him to the side when angie got pregnant. I thought he would be mad or feel some type of way about me havin a baby, but he doesnt. He treats kiya like she his child and thats what I love the most. Lowkey I be mad as f***k when I see him around other dudes, but I was always to scared to say something to him about it. Then when I found out he lost his virginity to that nigga Dre my feelings was hurt like a b***h, but I hid it well. I wanted to be the one to do that for him and show him what real love was like. Im not strong like he is though so I wouldnt even think about comin out, and I wouldnt want him to have to hide who he is because of me. He was happy wit courtney, and as far as I know he treatin him good so thats all that matters to me. I was playin wit kiya for a while waitin on angie to pick her then I heard a knock at the door. I opened it to this pretty dark skinned chick wit long hair, and the perfect coke bottle shape wit meat in all the right places. Yup, thats my babymama and she bad as f***k. Sometimes I felt stupid for leavin her because of how I felt for shawn, and I think she resented me for it. She didnt know why I broke up wit her, and knowin her she prolly thought it was because of some other b***h. If so she would be right in a manner of speakin, but shawn was far from a female.
Angie: Where my baby?
Que: Well damn hello to u too.
Angie: Yea yea, come on kiya go get yo toys and tell daddy bye.
Kiya: Ok.
Que: So how u been doin?
Angie: Why do u care nigga u would know if u didnt break up wit me.
Que: F***k it then forget I asked.
Angie: So when u gone tell me who this b***h is that got yo nose wide open. I knew yo ass was cheatin on me, and I shouldve dropped u a long time ago.
Que: Man u dont know what u talkin about aint nobody got my nose wide open, and I never cheated on u.
Angie: So then why u break up wit me Que, was it something I did wrong?
Que: Nah man, but its too complicated to explain, and u would never understand or accept it.
Angie: Thats ok nigga ima ask shawn, and I bet he tell me cuz I know u told him. U and that nigga talk about everything so I know that he knows. Why u aint never opened up to me like that even after we had a baby together.
Que: Somethings he understand what I know u wouldnt, and I feel more comfortable talkin to him about stuff than I do u. He wont tell yo ass nothin no way so askin him would be pointless, and thats another reason I talk to him. He aint one yall gossipin ass females that'll be done put my business all out because yall ass's talk to much.
Angie: Whatever nigga. I guess thats a bestfriend thing, but I can relate me and my girls r like that wit eachother.
Que: U dont love yo girls though.(i said before I caught myself)
Angie: Nigga how u gone tell me I dont love my b***hes.(she laughed)
Que: Cuz I can.(i smiled)
Angie: Whatever boy, i'll see u later and tell yo mom I said hi.
Kiya: Bye daddy.(she said kissin me)
Que: Bye baby.
As they left out the door I sighed in relief that she didnt catch on to what I meant. Why the f***k did I say that s***t out loud, and right in front of her. My mama was in the living room watchin one of her many soap operas. I sat down on next to her as just stared into space for a while until she finally said something.
Mom: So whats on ya mind baby?
Que: Huh?
Mom: The only time u sit and watch t.v. wit me is when u wanna talk about something cuz I know u hate watchin my shows.(she laughed)
Que: Aw nah ma im just thinkin thats all.
Mom: Thinkin about?
Que: Well, what do u do when u in love wit somebody, but u shouldnt be? I mean I love angie she the mother of my child, but I dont love her like I love sha- Um this other girl?
Mom: Well Que u cant help who u fall in love wit. Just because u had a baby wit angie dont mean yall meant for eachother. Im proud of both of yall for steppin up and being respondible, but this is such a young age to have to be SO responsible. Yall prolly still aint even figured out what u wanna do wit ya lives yet, and already gotta give it up to live for somebody else instead of ya selves.
Que: I know ma, and if I could go back in time I would, but I dont regret my baby.
Mom: I dont either I love my grand baby wit her bad butt.(she laughed) So who is it that u so confused about?
Que: Well I been knowin her all my life, and she always been there for me through whatever. Even when I had a baby she never treated me any different and she even love kiya and kiya loves her. I just feel like it would be wrong for me to pursue anything wit her because she know angie, and I dont wanna start no drama. Besides she got a man anyway so its not like she thinkin about me, but I love this girl to death even when we were little.
Mom: Well baby like I said u cant help who u love. It sound like u really wanna be wit her, and it may be a lil rocky at first when angie finds out if u decide to go through wit it. Do u think it would be worth the risk to go through all the drama?
Que: I know it would.
Mom: Well u gotta do whats best for u baby, and if u feel like this would be a good decision for u then do it. I've always supported u in everything u do, and i'll love u no matter what u decide to do. I love angie she's a wonderful mother, but if thats not where yo heart is baby then dont make ya self miserable because u feel like u have an obligation to be wit her. The only obligation u have thats even connected wit her is your child. I learned that the hard way wit ya damn daddy. I always felt like I had to be wit him because of u even though he was a good man. I just didnt love him like he loved me. I thought I could learn to love him but it didnt work that way. Thats why we started havin so many problems, and he started to go lookin for the love I wasnt showin him else where which is why we got a divorce.
Que: Wow, I never knew dad cheated on u ma.
Mom: Dont tell him I told u, and dont treat him any different because of it either. I forced him to do it because I neglected him with the one thing he needed from me the most as a wife, love. No matter what he did or said I tried my hardest to love him like he loved me, but it just didnt work. So he started looking in other places to pick up my slack, and yea I was mad but I could only be angry wit my self. So we seperated and thats when I tried to find the man that really had my heart but by then it was too late because he had moved on wit his life.
Que: Wow so is that why u single now?
Mom: Boy nah, im single because im too sexy to be tied down.(she joked) No seriously though im single because I just havent come across the guy that could make me feel like they felt about me, and im tired of being the reason people feelings get hurt.
Que: So u sayin u aint never loved nobody but that one person?
Mom: No im sayin I regret never goin after the person that had my heart, and now he's happily married and still has it so I never got the chance to get it back and give it to nobody else. In other words I regret never giving us the chance we deserved to see if he was all I thought he was, and now im stuck on that and dont want nobody else.
Que: I never knew love could be a prison.
Mom: Only if u let it become one.
Que: Thanks ma, I know what ima do now.(i said huggin her)
Mom: No problem sweety. Oh and one more thing.
Que: Wussup ma?
Mom: I dont think shawn would like being refered to as a girl.(she laughed)
I looked at her in disbelief that she had just said that.
Que: Ma what u talkin about?(i played stupid)
Mom: Boy u r MY son, and I see the way u look at that boy when he over here. Just like I see the way he looks at u, and im suprised yall been able to stay "friends" for this long.
Que: So u knew all this time? Why u aint never say nothin.
Mom: Cuz it dont matter. U my son and ima love u regaurdless.
Que: I love u too ma.(i smiled)
There was a knock at the door and I opened it to shawn standin there cryin. I pulled him into a tight hug askin him what was wrong but he just kept cryin
