Right or Wrong? {complete}

Im leaving

**** I highly recommend you listen to the song up top towards the end of this chapter!**

Natasha and Steve (POV)

Steve:
"You alright Nat?" I ask softly. She has been distant these past days. Like something is bothering her. Maybe it was about her meeting with Fury.
No, she told me that it was just a meeting to give details about a past mission. That's all it was right? "You worry to much Rogers." She laughs. It's a normal response from her. But I can't help but get a bad feeling.

Natasha:
"You worry to much Rogers." I say as I even force a laugh. I should tell him. I can't tell him. It would break him. Not yet. He's not ready. Or is it me who isn't ready?

But I need to be. I have to do this. It's selfish, I know. And I wasn't going to. Believe me. I had my mind made up. I was going to say no. That is until these word came out of Fury's mouth

"This organization is possibly working for the red room."

I didn't know what to say then. So I just walked out of his office. And for the next days I thought it over. It swirled around in my mind constantly.
Once again, I was going to say no but an image of the young girls in the red room, getting tortured, beaten and chained popped into my head. I recalled all the things they did to us. And I can't sit here while I know what they are doing. I think about them every minute of every day.
I've always wanted an opportunity to stop them. And now here it was. So I should take it right? This is right. I have to do this. What does it say about me if I turn this down? I was lucky enough to escape but these girls need help why they still can get it.

And then I look at Steve. His eyes reflecting his sadness and anxiousness.

I don't want to leave him. I shouldn't leave him. I don't want to hurt him. But what's better, hurting him or allowing tons of young girls be hurt. I know what I have to do. But I still couldn't tell him. I considered trying to avoid him but that would make him even more aware of my current state. So I'm stuck pretending that everything is perfectly fine. Perfectly fine.

Steve:
The next week and days go by in a quick wave. Natasha is still being distant despite my tries to get her to open up. I must be something bad for her to stay closed up for this long. I can't bear it anymore. I need to know what's bothering her. I can't lie, it scares me. What if it is something bad?
I tried to ignore my thoughts and just focus on work. I guess the correct wording would be that I "threw myself into my work". I didn't like doing it but I made the week go by a lot faster.

Natasha and I talked.
Not as much as usual but on the outside she was still herself. But I've been around her long enough to know what lies behind that wall of hers. Well, usually I do. This time, I'm not so sure. Little did I know my questions would be answered the next day.

It was Thursday when she walked into our room. Tears were in her eyes along with fear. I didn't even have time to open my mouth, much less to ask if she was okay, before she said "I need to tell you something." She walked a few more steps toward me and I started getting up but she stoped me "No. You're gonna want to be sitting down for this." I slowly sat back down. "What is it?" I ask. Trying, but failing to hide my worries. When my voice comes out it's shallow and weak.
Is she leaving S.H.I.E.L.D? More importantly is she leaving me? What did I do? I wonder.

Thinking about it, it would make sense. Her distance covered by her trying to act normal. While she probably was trying to come up with a way to break it off. So now she is here to do it. To break up with me. But what came next was way worse than what I imagined.

****You should play the song for the rest of the chapter****

Natasha:
"I'm leaving." I forced myself to say. The words dryly escaped my lips.
Steve's eyes went from worried to panic, to pain, and then a little bit of anger. "What?" He asks, as if he thought he had heard me wrong. "I'm leaving.... for a mission." I try and hold back the tears. Swallowing them. Which makes it harder to talk. "Oh." He says, a short wave of relief washing over him. He's just as clueless as I was.

He goes from relaxed to worried again when he sees that my state hasn't changed, I can see him piece it together. He's smart. I always undergo smart he is.

He is about to speak but I already know the answer to his question. "For a year... And that's at the minimum. Most... most likely longer." I choke out. "When... when do you leave?" He solemnly asks. "Tomorrow." The word feels unreal. In fact this is all way too surreal.

I should have told him, I realize.
But I was too weak.
He stands up quickly and I see anger in his eyes now. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asks, clearly upset. As well he should be.
I don't say anything. I can't say anything. "Why didn't you tell me?!" He shouts it this time. "I'm sorry." Is all I manage to say.
He takes a breath "I had a right to know Natasha."

It's hard to keep eye contact. Partly because I'm ashamed but mostly because I can't bear the sight of the tears that fill his eyes and the occasional one that falls. "I know... I'm so sorry Steve" I say my voice horse. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asks more gently this time as he wraps his arms around me and looks down at me. "I couldn't. I couldn't do it. I was weak and selfish and-" he interrupts me by pressing his lips to mine. Not a hungry kiss but a gentle kiss full of passion. "You could say... no." He suggests. Tears now coming down both of our faces. "They think it's the red room." That's all I have to say to make him understand.

He presses his forehead against mine. I don't dare move or speak. Instead I take the time to memorize his face. His ocean eyes and the way they crinkle at the corners. His smile that's always pure. His prefect messy dirty blonde hair and eyebrows. I memorize him. I memorize him for the fear that I might forget him.
And I feel him doing the same. He lets his tears fall on me, colliding with my own. "I don't want you to go." He chokes out honestly through the tears. He puts his hands on my cheeks and moves one into my hair. I take a hard swallow and place one of my hands on his chest, the other slides from his cheek to his neck. Pulling him closer. Now I choke through the tears "And I don't want to leave."

Ahh depressing shit man.