Right or Wrong? {complete}

Preperations

Natasha and Steve
(Note- this chapter will contain a recap of the 5 th and6th month and then tell about the 7th month)

Natasha:
Over the past two months Ivan and his posse have made a routine. They force feed me by a sirenge or needle and then they drug me. The drugs bring out my worst fears. And then intensifies them by 100. Once I wake up screaming the bring in a machine. It wipes out any memories of the nightmares. And then they drug me again and the dream starts over. So drugs, brainwashing, and drugs. My guess is that they are building up my emotional strength until the nightmares have no effect on me at all. And I have to admit it's working. Each time I have the dream, it gets a little more bearable. I can basically feel the people I care about slip through my fingers along with my feelings. I feel my cares and worries all slipping away. And maybe that includes my feelings for Steve. But maybe some part of me wants this. Maybe I want to not feel love or heartbreak. Wouldn't it be easy to have no feelings? Regardless, I let them do this to me. I'm too weak to fight. They know I'm weak which is why they have taken off the restraint that was once around my neck. I could probably escape. Or at least try to. But what would be the point? I have no one to go "home" to. And there is only me to blame for that. I realize that without Steve, I have no one to live for. When I look back on past events I come to understand that I have gotten more then I've given. I had people who gave me everything. Even when I didn't deserve it. I had people who loved me even when I was horrible to them. I had people who trusted me even though I stabbed them in the back. What else has this life to offer me? This world gave me what I always wanted. Wouldn't it be selfish to ask for more. I got what I wanted yet still there remains some missing piece of me. It's selfish. After all I was given my greatest wish and I trashed it. I wrecked my life. I destroyed Steve Rogers. Therefore, I destroyed my life. Which is why when Ivan comes in with men in surgery gear and asks "Are you ready?" I somberly nod my head as a stray tear makes its way down my cheek.

"I'm so glad that you have learned to comply." Ivan smiles down at me. Maybe he is right. Maybe it's about time I gave this one up.

Steve:
For the past two months I feel like I haven't sat down. Thankfully Fury has been letting me go on every mission that I think might be useful. But it's hopeless. I've taken out every possible threat that I can find and none of them result in any clue of where Natasha is. I don't even know if she is alive anymore. I don't know what to think. I keep trying and trying but everything fails. I'm not so good with technology but I've been trying to hack terrorist files. Clint has also been helping a lot but it looks like he is drowning in his sorrow whilst, I use mine and turn it into determination. But even I have to admit I'm running out of hope and fast. Of course I could keep trying. I had to. For her. For Natasha. I know she would do the same for me. She would wouldn't she? Some distant part of me wonders if she has already given up. Should I give up? Clint walks into the lab I'm in, putting my thoughts on hold. "Oh great your here. So nothing out of the usual. Just researching threats and looking for any files, evidence, or-"
"I can't." Clint's words catch me by surprise and I don't finish my sentence. I open my mouth to question him but he goes on. "I can't do this anymore." He crosses his arms and looks away from me. "This?" I ask slightly angry. He takes a deep breath. "I can't come in her every other day and stare at a computer for hours just so that I can go home at the end of the day to my wife and kids and cry on the couch because I found nothing. No evidence. Not a single trace of Natasha. Nothing." He faces me when he says this. His own anger and hint of sadness showing. Now rage fills me. "That's not your decision to make." I say sternly, standing up. "Yes it is. I don't know if you've noticed but things have been a little screwed up ever since your little civil war. I'm sorry but you don't get to run around in a uniform with a shield, giving everyone orders." Maybe he senses my rage because he seems to calm down before going on. "We're chasing clouds here Steve. It's a dead end. Every where we look it's just another dead end. We are just in one huge maze. But there's no way out. This is....pointless. This... this is destroying us." I can't help but hate Clint at this moment. "And what about her huh? What about Natasha?! You choose to give up so easily but do you think she had a choice?! Do you think she... she wanted to be kidnapped or tortured or have people do whatever the hell they are doing to her.? She's... she's probably... she's probably.." I hesitate looking for words but Clint finishes my sentence for me. "She's probably dead!" Clint yells. His words leave me speechless. I try desperately to swallow the dryness in my throat.

"It's been SEVEN months Steve. And it's about it be eight. How much longer are we going to keep lying or ourself saying "oh she is fine. She's tough she'll get herself out of this one, no problem." Everyone knows that that's not true." He sighs and walks closer to me. "Listen cap. Natasha is.... or was.... the strongest woman I've ever known. She has more inner and outer strength and beauty then I've ever known possible. And I love her. She as my family god dammit. But she wouldn't want this. She loved us. You really think she'd want us to spend the rest of our life's looking for her when she isn't even there to be found. We can't spend every second and minute of every day desperately scrambling to find some clue. You know how great she is. If this was simple she would have been home by now. But it's not. And she may not be coming home. I want her back as much as you do don't you doubt that. Shit... I don't know what todo without her. But we have priorities. I know she is your top one. But there are people who need us. People who need you. This world needs Captain America. And you sitting behind a computer screen or going on pointless missions isn't helping those who actually can be rescued. I'm sorry to say it Steve but....... maybe it's time to give this one up." Clint concludes his speech and when I look back up at him I recognize the oh so familiar look of hurt and unbearable pain.

And I get it. I understand now. He's right. This is destroying us. It's time to give this one up?

**** Dear readers sorry if this chapter is boring. But I just wanted to make it clear how upset Steve and Natasha are. No, they are devastated. Anyways vote, comment, and share please.❤️♥️❤️♥️