Elle's POV
I was never ready for a talk with him but for the sake of my kids, I need to settle this. I will meet him again years after I become a mistress. I will be talking with him with my very heavy heart and my shattered dreams. I will be talking to him because my children needs this and even I hate it so much, all I can do is be willing to settle.
On a restaurant near my office, we agreed to meet. My whole being feels flushed while I walk towards the restaurant. Kabang kaba na ako. Hindi ko naman talaga alam ang gagawin ko.
I arrived 15 minutes later than the time I told him. I needed that to calm my self.
"Mahal!" he smiled at me, and it makes me more angry.
Napairap na lamang ako sa kanya. Ano bang nasa isip nito?
"Flowers for you."
"I am not here for a fancy talking Mr. Pierre."
"I am not either Mahal."
"Please stop calling me Mahal. It annoys me so much."
"But why?"
"Just don't."
And before he can talk again, I asked him "Do you want to know my children?"
His eyes then sparkled with tears. I did not expect it from him. His face suddenly changed it's emotion from a sad facade to an excited and happy mood.
"Can I? Please?"
"You can meet them."
"Yes! Yes! Thank you. Thank you so much."
"BUT!"
"anything..."
"But you cannot bring them with you without informing me."
"Of course!"
"You cannot visit any time you want. You need to ask me first."
His brows furrowed but later on nodded with agreement.
"You cannot meddle with my decisions regarding MY CHILDREN."
"With due respect but please use OUR, they are ours not yours alone."
"They have been mine all alone until this day."
"Because you did not tell me."
"And make them bastards? How great of a father you are there."
"Elle, if you only have listened to me first."
"What ever you say won't take effect on me anymore."
"What ever your ground will be, I will be very willing to oblige. Just please, please, let my children know me. Please let me hug and kiss them. Please let me have a night where I can tuck them to bed. Please let me bring them to school once in a while. Please let me play with them, eat with them. Let them know that I am their father. Let them call me Dad."
"I will. But let's take it slow. My children were not that young anymore. They are very inquisitive this time."
"It would be your call, whatever, however, what's important is that they would know and feel that I am their father."
After that talk, I rose up from my seat and walked away. I don't know anymore what to think. I feel so exhausted and drained. Sandaling paguusap lang yun pero inubos nya nang lahat lahat ang lakas ko.
I don't know what tomorrow brings, but I am so sure that I will fight for my children. I may allow him to father them but no, not to the extent that he will be part of us, of me again. My innocent, broken self is long gone. It is now the time to be the best mom for my kids.
"Nette, san yung dalawa?"
"Nasa family room po. Nanonood ng movie."
I immediately went to see my kids.
"Can we have a baby boss brother Pj?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"It's impossible Em. So just watch the movie."
"But I want a baby boss brother."
"Mama has no husband."
"But why? Does it matter?"
"Ofcourse Em. Mama needs husband to have babies."
"But Mama has no husband and we are her babies. Why can't we have a baby brother?!"
"Stop asking Em."
"Answer me Pj! I need to know WHY!!! I want a baby boss brother!"
"Ehemmn."
"Ma!"
I come near them and kiss them both.
"Why are you shouting at your brother Em?"
"Mama! Pj said we can't have a baby brother because you don't have a husband. But you have us! and you don't have a husband. So can we ask for a baby brother? I want a baby boss brother. He's so cool! He looks like Baby Luke! His eyes were round and he looks fluffy. I---"
"I think we need to sleep. C'mmon."
Mabilis namang sumunod yung dalawa. Em being her usual self story tell what she had watched. She fell asleep while telling stories. I was about to kiss Pj when he asked.
"Mama, is our Papa still alive?"
I sat beside him and stroke his hair.
"Yes baby."
"I think he looks like Em and me. Maybe when I see him, I might know he is my Papa."
"Anak.."
"But don't worry Mama. I won't call him. Maybe he don't want us."
"Anak, don't say that. He wants you. Your father wants to see you. There are just things we can't explain."
"I want to look like you Mama. Even my hair is not as dark as yours, even my eyes were not as brown like yours. Maybe Papa looks like me so much even---"
I nod at him. Totoo nga ang sinasabi ng anak ko. Wala akong kamukha sa kanilang dalawa. They both look like their father. A perfect replica of Sebastien and Serena.
"Mama, if I saw him and i know he's my Papa, would he know me when he sees me?"
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasagot ko sa tanong ng anak ko. For 4 years, pinaghahandaan ko na ito, pero kapag pala dumating ang panahong ganito, hindi ko pa rin pala alam ang gagawina at isasagot sa kanya.
"It's okay Mama you don't need to answer. I will still love you forever."
"And I love you too, soo much. I will love you forever little guy."
