Three Is A Crowd

Chapter 23: My Favorite Things

Lauren dreads going back to the dorm room, partly because she's still a bit hurt by Camila's words, even though she now understands why she has been judgmental. But a bigger reason is that she misses her and she doesn't want to feel that way. It makes her feel vulnerable, powerless to her feelings.

Fact is, if anybody else called her a slut, there'll be no questions asked, she'll drop their asses, or at least punish them for it. With Camila, she knows that one sad look from her will have her heart melting on the spot, and that scares her a lot. She needs to remind herself that she can't allow a person to have so much control of her.

But, like Normani and Dinah said, it's time to go back and face the music. She's running out of clean clothes anyway. She even had to borrow Riri's coat as she's been hanging out with her yesterday, having known her way before she calls her Professor Fenty.

Back when they used to be in this tiny exclusive philosophy club she and her friends have assembled, where a bunch of people into philosophy get together twice a month to drink, smoke weed, and just talk about the world and the human mind, and aiming to explore and liberate themselves from the standard norms. Just think of them as a millennial hipster Beat Generation (which is funnily oxymoronic already, but hey, the youth can do anything they want), except that Lauren has totally sold out simply because she's so used to the comfort that her family's money provide her. She may reject the concept of materialism (save for a few necessities like her car), but she's ashamed to admit that she's a spoiled hypocrite. She's an enormous contradiction, is what she is.

Anyway, this club is one of the few things Lauren will forever cherish; the serenity and fulfillment it gave her, a sense of belongingness, and the realization that human beings are just a dot in this huge mysterious universe. That no matter how complex or complicated she feels like, how lost she gets sometimes, Lauren is reminded that her existence is nothing as compared to what's out there. The talks of philosophy reminds her that as intellectual beings, people truly don't know anything; and the smallness that fact makes her feel, ironically is also what sets her free.

So, yeah, she thinks that spending one night at Riri's pad refreshed Lauren -- it reminded her of that vital piece of her old life. The pull of freedom her old life offers used to be so appealing to her; her tendency to escape would have been hard to resist. But maybe something in here is keeping her from fleeing? Or maybe she's just starting to mature, who knows?

So, on her way to the dorm, with Nala on her arm giving her the companionship she needs, she rehearses in her mind how she's gonna act, what she's gonna say, if she's gonna forgive her or maintain a safe distance from her. There are a lot of possible ways, and while she's thinking about the best course of action she's gonna take, she finds herself already opening the door to their room which she wasn't even aware she's doing until half of her body is already in the room.

Something slams into her body, knocking the wind out of her, and she feels a pair of arms snake around her waist, and that familiar scent of fruity shampoo quickly tells her without looking that it's definitely Camila who's hugging her and not a serial killer.

Everything she's been rehearsing in her mind flies out into the still of the night.

Usually, she knows what to do in most situations, but this time she feels all the air drain out of her lungs and she swears she's about to float away like a balloon, and it's definitely not because of Camila's rib-crushing hug.

"Lauren, I'm so so so very sorry, you're not a slut! I swear you're not a slut. I was being stupid and judgmental, and I had no right to call you that." Camila says in a small voice.

Her heart is beating so fast and hard she's afraid that Camila might be able to feel it, considering they're practically glued chest to chest (Camila really is a tight hugger wow) and she can feel Camila's breath on the side of her neck. To Lauren, it's equivalent to a quick snort in the powder room, a quick fix that gives an instant rush, and before her mind could make sense of what's happening, her body is already responding to Camila's presence as she unconsciously run her hand up Camila's back and stroke her hair in a gentle calming manner.