Get It Straight, Or Say Good Night

I Need You

Sitting on Pauls lap when John returned she was attempting to smile as Paul told her innocent tales of girls climbing drainpipes and boys dressed as vicars trying to break into the hotel rooms. Her arm circling his neck, she perched with her head on his shoulder.

She was tired, she was upset but still she wanted John.

Her whole face had lit at his reappearance, before she had a chance to temper it to one that shouted more aptly- pissed off wife.

Sitting down beside Paul on the large sofa John tugged her arm and before too long she relented and fell into his lap, soft in his arms.

Everything melted away -Paul, the other women, George and Richy that now were slow dancing in the opposite corner of the room, Brian, Mal, Neil, all steadily clearing the main destruction of the room- everything disappeared when she was with him.

As John kissed her lips she felt like he was slipping away but slipping toward all at once. His indiscretions of an hour before, his ministrations of her now all a jumble of difference.

Denial and Want.

Destruction and Rebuild.

Hate and love.

She wasn't easy to persuade usually.

Stubborn as a mule, angry as an annoyed bee. Louise was never easy to turn about when she set her course. John apologised through his lips, the tiny kisses against her neck, she closed her eyes and drank in the kissed apology's and fed herself better with his mumbled quiet I love you's.

She missed him, it had been the longest she thought. The longest time apart probably.

Theirs was a tested relationship, nuclear blasts of deals, landmines of women, shrapnel wounds and shards of tears rained down on them constantly yet still they held, still he kissed her like she was the only one even when she knew she was one of very many. And still she clung- because she loved him.

Being with John was joy and sorrow, laughter and tears.

His mental ability, his drive, his maniacal need to push boundary's, test waters. It all kept her wanting to keep up, level and surpass at times. Much to his delight she knew how to push buttons to fire him or hold reins to quell his race to detriment or release him when it was required to discover more, or waste energy that he contained. She strove to discover when he learnt. She pushed him harder, held him longer. They equalled when everything else was off kilter.

"I need you" John whispered careful in her ear, she had straightened as he kissed her obviously trying to toughen her resolve, tell him, show him, how unhappy she was.

They spoke quietly Paul having moved off to tinker on the guitar, the melodic notes and grumbles of chords going wrong melded into the background, a white noise for them both. Music was everywhere around them, it always had been so. The cooking of words and the dropping of chords to the lyrics were of no bother, no annoyance to the two. The soft strumming of his guitar.. sometimes the same notes over and over again befell a blanket of their natural atmosphere.

"I need you too, but it's so hard to see you do this" Louise placed her forehead on his shoulder, he was so strong yet so, so weak.

"What should I do, Louise?" His sadness radiated off him like waves but Louise Lennon didn't know...

She didn't know if it was because of her discovering him compromised in that position or him being actually sad for her, for the future of them.

"I don't know" soft words breathed over them. She didn't know, had no answers. Keep it in your pants wouldn't help, this trait was ingrained almost like a cup of tea for breakfast. A norm in the world of the Beatles. "Maybe this is our normal, we aren't meant to be regular normal like other couples and... I'm meant to be hurt"

"No. Everything's abnormally normal about us. This, everything around us is a jumble of forces plunging us toward extremes" John tucked her hair over her shoulder so he could see her grimace.

"Us- do you mean us or the band, us?"

"Everything in our world – the band, the doorstep full of fans, the media"

"I get it. Everybody loves you John" Lou sat up a little, winding her fingers in his, feeling how good they sat together, how warm he made her "I really do get that and don't take this the wrong way but you are, unfortunately, the most eligible man in the world it seems. How is one girl ever supposed to be enough for you ..... So, I say to myself, I am never ever going to be enough. I am never going to have exclusive access or exclusive rights over you"

"But you do" John tipped her chin and watched her eyes cloud over- fear burning, worry pinching her brow "I just need to learn to stay away from the excesses. Have you by my side always"

"And then she becomes a rock or a big lump of concrete for you to resist and ultimately abhor" Louise wiped at a wayward tear that threatened her stance, threatened the proceedings with emotion.

"No. Then we turn inward to each other and hold tight" John wiped her eyes carefully, they were so beautiful brim full of tears but such sorrow shimmering "I'm sorry I made you cry" John tightened his grip, reinforcing the words he felt too... empty, alone.

"And when I am old and the young birdies come to flock?" Lou smiled sadly thinking about future, would it all be the same?

"You'll be olderrrr toooo" John smiled softly as he sang Paul's lyrics softly to her, she grinned. How-ever did Paul do that- fifteen years young when he conjured that song up, writing about being an old sixty- four. Paul glanced up and smiled. He'd heard Johns voice, though it wasn't hard to, in the lull of the room. The silence deafening and all that was heard was Johns voice singing Paul's, still embrotic, tune.

"This will be well and truly over by the time you're old Louise. Probably this time next year you'll be kicking me out of the house to go find a regular job"

Lou harrumphed. "You'll never be a regular normal anything, John" She smiled, leaning back watching his face crumple into indignation "It's a compliment Johnny"

"Oh"

"Yes.... oh" Lou kissed his cheek "You are destined for great things, all of you, I can feel it. Every single thing you do is a catalyst for the next"

"You're really determined that's true, aren't you" John kissed her temple. Not a question, more a statement, her eyes shone with truth and knowing "My greatest fan you are"

"Don't be so sure. Paulie's up there too" She teased softly "And Richy. George too of course wouldn't want a kiss though, from 'im"

John grinned, this 'ere was where he should have been all week. In her arms, listening to her teasing and bragging, complimenting and winding him up all in one sentence. All in one heartbeat.

"I'm so tired" Lou fell back into Johns shoulder, the jetlag kicking in. "Eve will sleep til the morn"

"Come on, bedtime"

"Bed- time?" Lou inquired quietly.

"Sleep Louise, in your arms if you'll let me. Where I should be forever" John picked her up, one swoop bridal style her fingers finding the nape of his neck winding around holding herself to him.

"I'm so easy on you. I should tear your eyes out and rip your head off" Louise felt his fingers holding her thighs as he stood and walked to the door of another room. No, he wasn't going to step in that room again.

"If you ripped my head off why would you bother with the eyes?" John inquired as Lou leaned out and turned the door handle.

"Not that head you dumbo"