Get It Straight, Or Say Good Night

Help!~ Fix For Tomorrow

"Come on Les, where are you?"

John repeatedly looked at his watch tick slowly as he waited at the drop off parking bay and snarled at a few newspaper men that hovered about waiting for a titbit of 'news'. The news of the accident got back to England before John had even stepped onto the tarmac at Heathrow, he felt loads of pained eyes filled with pity gazing at him as he travelled through the terminal to collect Mimi and Eve from the motor, THAT SHOULD BE HERE.

The cigarette burnt his finger and was flicked to the gutter.

His head screamed and he wanted a shower but he'd not get one. No not yet, he had to get Eve and deliver her to her mother's side, it was the least his sorry arse could do.

Standing then pacing, then standing stock still again John rubbed a hand over his slightly blue face. Bloody George and Macca couldn't just give body shots could they, no had to pound his mug didn't they. Thank god the papers were black an' white. Pretty much deserved the thrashing, George has a hard-right hook too, that took him by surprise ....

So sorry for myself, so utterly useless at being Lou's husband.

But when she lay there.

John shuddered.

When she never woke or spoke or growled at his stupidity, that did it. That sent him on a mission to make it better, fix his mistakes, stand up and be the man she needs. God, she looked so beautiful even with bandages and cuts and bruise abounding, she looked so small too like a dove with a broken wing.

The plane had soared close to heaven and she had given him it on the ground.

She had accepted his flaws and hang-ups.

And what had he done.

Accused her of infidelity.

Bloody twat.

The motor pulled up and Mimi harped as John hightailed it with Eve back to the awaiting chartered plane. Never heard of before, John was breaking records and spending the cash that her Maj had actually left in his bank account to hop on a private flight and make the connecting link to the Bahamas.

Eve screamed and John had to stop to smile down at her and cheer her up. Was attention she sought. "So like your mummy aren't you, gotta be the centre of it don't you my luv" John mumbled into her chubby neck. Smelling the sweet soap and baby scent that was all Evie, he'd know it anywhere.

'Slow down John Winston. I can't keep up this bone rattling pace boy!" Mimi kept power walking though and when John paused in his long stride to tend Eve, Mimi strode past him with a determined gait.

"Sorry Mimi, but the plane is waiting ... we need to shuffle"

John Lennon was well known now, the powers that be that controlled security and passport stamping nary looked in his direction as the gaggle of luggage Les toted with full arms, Mimi, John and Eve passed through the gate.

Down the long walkway they hurried, then quickly negotiating the stairs to the outside. The smell of jet fuel and sound of planes taxi-ing and taking off creating a noise like no other.

Back again. John climbed into the belly of the charter plane that stood screaming, engines powered up, waiting for Mister Lennon.

And England looked beautiful as they cleared the coast and banked right. Not a cloud marred the sky.

I'll be good luv.

No, I'll be better.

I'll treat you right and when I don't, that's when you thump me good and proper.

And I'll love you complete.

Not like I have been doing... completely. One hundred and ten percent completely- you, Eve and our babies. This baby I neglected, I won't neglect, him or her, you, Eve or future babe again.

I promise.

I should be saying this all to you not scribbling it down on a fucking napkin.

I will. I will say it though. Maybe not eloquently or with enough pain in my voice. But I will say it to the very best of my ability. Cause you deserve it, don't you luv.

Remember when I dropped on me knee outside the greengrocers in the dark. I was panicking that you wouldn't say yes, I wanted you to say yes in those moments. Hang on it wasn't moments... I knelt there for eons, remember! You dallying and worrying and wishing and hoping with all your might that I would do you right. But I let you down time and time again, but not anymore. No sireee I'll be the best husband you will have ever seen.

Mimi shook John gently from his thoughts, handing him a hanky from her purse.

"She needs you strong John. Look forward not backwards" Mimi clamped her mouth shut as Evie stirred on Johns lap, then as Eve fell back into sleep she continued "Fix for tomorrow, stop apologising for yesterdays"

Handing the slightly damp hanky back John closed his eyes tightly. Mimi could be a tough broad but she's here now proffering up words of wisdom, she'll be my undoing and I'll need a roll of toilet paper to wipe up all the stuff flowing from my eyes, if she doesnt stop with the niceness.

 Can't remember when I last cried, sort of cleansing in a way, making your heart swell and your mind free its restrains.

Lou gets quite teary... often. Big rolling tears when I get her mad and upset, then she'll march off and blow her nose, shake her hands then swish air and maybe some water on her face with them. Just to gain her emotional control back. Just so I don't go on about the tears then.

You know the drill.....

I'll  have a go about some rubbish, make her cry, then have the gall to have a go and give her a hard time about her crying.

"I said it wasn't mine" John shuffled in the seat, his back was seized up from the hours of non-movement, but he wouldn't disturb Eve as they'd never get her back to sleep. "She warned me in a way... saying how Eve was growing, asking if I felt she should have brothers or sisters. I put a cod wash to the chatter, just steamrolled her with nonsense about having more time to herself"

Looking down at Eve, John could see him in her. Even with not a drop of blood, he influenced Eve. Creating a little bit of himself in her moods and stubbornness and want of everything immediately.

John kissed Evie's head softly, breathing in her goodness. Like an epiphany his eyes grew wide and his thoughts raced.

You don't need to be blood to love.

You just need to give.

The love you take is equal.

It's equal to the love you make.

Mimi cut through his thoughts, stopping him stone cold, waking him up to his surroundings.

"She's been good to you, for you, I'll give the lass that. You need a strong partner you do. Heavens forbid you got some yes girl that lets you get away with murder...Now you have to thank her" Mimi moved Johns hair off his face, just like she used to, so long ago now "And you need a bloody hair cut!"