Too good to go (A Kingsland Road fanfiction)

Part 16

Josh's P.O.V.-

I honestly dont know what I feel right now. I need to think it over. Seeing Amy there, seeing that I could've lost her in a second, that this was all done because I tr hard to cover up my feelings. Of course I love Amy, its hard not too. And Connor was right at Thorpe park, we do act like a couple. And we would be pretty cute together to be honest. I just dont wanna lose her. I'm only protecting myself, and her. If she's dying there's no point in going out with her, she's dying. Is that out of order? Yep. I have to tell her, I have to tell her today that I made a mistake and I do love her, that I'd do anything to save her and if I could I'd be with her for the fest of my life. If she'll even listen to me. She hasn't spoke to me since she nearly died and I had a go at her yesterday, we need to fix this. Before its too late. I just hope she'll actually listen.

Despite the fact I'm sitting outside her bedroom door contemplating this, I still dont wanna go in. Its pretty fun listening to her and Jay talk.

"Well we're all kinda like family here. Me and the boys are like brothers, Connor and Nadine are dating, and you and josh..I dont know, but to Me, Thompson, Connor and Matt you're like a little sister. I honestly dont know about Josh. He's changed, and not for the better. I really have a strong feeling he loves you, he's just scared. Of love. Of hurting you. Of hurting the fans. Its hard to recognise him now." Jay tells Amy.

Jeez, Jay's only 19, he needs to stop acting like a frickin love expert.

'Yeah, I don't know. I doubt he likes me now, all I do is cause problems."

Is that what she thinks?

"Crap!" I exclaim loudly, as Matt grabs me from behind when he exits the bathroom.

"Ears dropping are we? Ha, good luck." he laughs in a whisper as we hear Jay sigh angrily. Before I get to walk or even run away Jay opens the bedroom door, making me stick on the spot.

"Well Josh, seeing as you're already hear you might as well come in.." He says, putting on his fakest smile even though his teeth are gritted.

"Yeah, I will." I stutter, coming in before Jay shuts the door.

"So, whats going on?" I ask. Amy ignores me, as usual. And the awkward silence comes.

"Okay...well, Jay, get out, me and Amy need to chat. Privately." I say, when he doesn't leave. Amy gives him a worryingly look before he leaves, and I turn to her and shut the door.

I wonder if she's still angry at me...

"What?" She spits out.

Yep. She's still angry at me.

"I wanna talk. Sort this out." I tell her.

"Go on then. Explain. Everything." She orders, still not looking up.

"Right. Well, the only reason I said that the other night is because I was trying to protect us. Both. I said I didn't love you cause I do, and if you're really going in three weeks I didn't wanna put myself, I mean you- no us- through that. When you die it'd break my heart so its easier just to pretend I don't care. I've been an absolute jerk and I accept that with open arms but I didn't mean any of it. Of course I love you, I always have. I've tried to hide it but the more people say, every time I see you, its stronger. This is the cringiest thing ever and so awkward and weird to say especially face to face but you said you'd hear me out so please do. I'm sorry Amy, I never meant to hurt you. Yesterday killed me, I nearly lost you I wouldn't be able to cope. I can never say sorry enough this is all my fault and I'm sorry you dont have to forgive me but I love you." I ramble, out of breath by the time I'm finished. That wasn't even planned, I said everything without thinking, I was totally honest, and she still hasn't looked up. I sigh and turn back towards the door.