Bad Blood (h.s.)

Part Ninety-Eight

Part Ninety-Eight

For my love, Harry:

It would seem we are broken. I have never lost my sight and never thought I would lose myself. But we are strong and together. And that’s why we are the most messed up broken there is. We have scars and moments where we lash out on each other, but that’s why we’re strong. We don’t need anything or anyone else; we are made for each other in words unexplained.

There are three words that I have said to you and never said to anyone else that I actually mean it with. I’ve said those three words to my mother and my father, but no one else except you, because I love you. I love when you wake up and watch me sleep, because I feel you breathing on my cheek when you’re awake. It makes my heart beat faster and it makes me thankful for mornings with you.

But now that we have been apart for far too long, nearly a month due to your mother’s need for you in England, I miss you. I always will miss you.

There isn’t a moment that goes by where you aren’t on my mind. There is so many words I want to write to you, but I feel like it would be boring to listen to, but you always listen. You are the most patient man I have ever met and I can’t be more in love with you than I already am.

On December 29, four days after Christmas, I was sitting in the bookstore where I worked, and a girl came in with her brother. He was charming but frightening all at the same time. He saved me from bad people multiple times and I treasure every memory spent with him.

His hands are huge, but warm mine in seconds. He looks at me as if I’m his world, but he’s mine. You’re my world. Every boy I have ever dated or come to know is mean and disrespectful. You, Harry Edward Styles, treat me with the utmost respect and love anyone has ever given me. You protect me from the bad and I give you my love. There are times I forget that you are everything to me; especially when you’re away from me like today.

When I miss you, I will hold your pillow to my nose and breathe in your cologne to try and feel like you are here with me. But there is nothing compared to your body on top of mine when I wake up. There are mornings when you decide to use me as your mattress and pillow, your head on my chest and your arms tightly wrapped around my torso. Those are my favorite mornings though. You make me feel protected and you shield me from everything.

Some mornings we will lay and talk for hours, my hands feeling ever crevasse and muscle on your body. My fingers tracing mindlessly over your tattoos so I can be familiar with every aspect of the boy I love. Our night, the night where we gave ourselves to each other, it was our moment and I know I will never forget it. You’ve taken my heart and I hope you know I trust you’ll keep it safe.

I have the strength to know you’re the one, Harry. You are the one I want to spend my life with. I have given you everything and you gave me everything you have.

There are moments with you that make me love you even more. The times where I seem to just break down, cry without a thought because I’ve had enough, you wrap me in your arms and hold me. You calm me down and kiss my cheeks and kiss the tears that fall from my eyes. You whisper that I’ll be okay and that you love me or everything will be okay.

Then there is when I’m happy. I’m laughing, whether it’s because you said something funny or I made a joke that was completely stupid, you join me in laughing and show your smile. Your teeth are pure white and your pink lips curve into my favorite expression. Your smile.

Other times when I’m angry, we’ll be yelling at each other. Whatever reason we are yelling at each other, you stop it by cutting me off and kissing me with everything you have. Our kiss ends every argument and I love it.

I miss your eyes. Harry, your eyes look at me so softly and I miss looking into you green iris’ every morning. They are a beautiful green, a green that reminds me of summer and the beautiful outdoors. You make me think of the most relaxed time and you make me relaxed. You cup my cheek when we kiss and it relaxes me into your arms. Your hands are always so warm and I love holding them. My cold hands turn warm because you make everything brighter in my life.

I don’t give a damn if you have post-traumatic stress disorder because I love you even more with it. You had the bravery to tell me about it and I love you ten times more because it shows me how strong you are. Harry Edward Styles, if there was a time you doubted me and my love for you, you need to stop thinking I don’t love you and believe that I do. I love you to the sun and back infinitely. If there is a time we go through a rough turn in our lives, believe that we will make it out and love each other in the end. I will love you no matter what Harry, because I love you with everything in me.

Wherever you are, Harry, no matter how far we are apart, I’ll always come back to you and I will love you forever and always. Don’t lose faith and believe that when we are together, we’re stronger and can get through everything. You are the love of my life and I never want you to forget that because I’ll never forget that.

For the days when you feel alone, I want you to know that I’m here for you always. You mean everything to me and if you ever need someone Harry, don’t hide it or be afraid, let go and let me help you. It makes me sad to see you struggle by yourself and I need you to feel safe with me. We have already been through so much and I pray you realize that I’ve been yours since the day we’ve met. Don’t fear and don’t be afraid. Take my hand if you feel like you’re alone, kiss me to know you’re loved, and hold me to feel safe. I want to be your safe haven; let me take away all the bad thoughts because I will never leave your side.

My greatest fears were overcome with you by my side and now I want to help you. Your fears are my fears and we can get through them together. We’ll make it easy and we’ll get through it. Don’t ever be afraid to break down on front of me. I’ll wipe your tears and hold you close because I love you.

“There's a lot of ugly things in this world, son. I wish I could keep 'em all away from you. That's never possible.” Atticus Finch is your favorite character in literature and he is one of the wisest men compared to some books. You need to remember that the world is an ugly place, but I will be there to take it away. We can make our world beautiful and safe. Because we are in love and love is horribly beautiful.

Forever and Always,

 Beth