The Weird Thoughts of an Aquarius(me)

Being 2nd

You know what's than being consistently last? Being consistently 2nd. Having one person always be a little bit better than you. Always being just a smidge away from number 1.

It sucks. I always get number 2. No matter what, I'm never first. But Zodi you're first viola in select strings. Yeah, because everyone else is a year or two years younger than me! So it doesn't really matter. I'm not the weirdest, someone else is. I'm not the smartest, someone else is. I'm not the fastest, the dumbest, most athletic, etc, someone else is.

It's driving me insane. I hate it. And right when I'm a hands lengthy away, I trip and fall on my face and land in second. I feel like I tripped because it was my fault. As if I'm dumb, and cocky, naive. So I try again with a different approach, still second. Again, still second.

Constantly hearing people say "Better luck next time," "Good effort," "You can only get better," doesn't help. Words have started meaning nothing to me, I can't trust someone's word. Or what they say, because I think it's wrong. Yesterday, my Leo Friend, Cancer friend, and me started a small club thing just between us during lunch. The first week we were suppose to do it, apperantly they had "stuff" to do and didn't forget. I struggled so much to remember. Then next week, I forget. They're disappointed. Then next week, this week, me and Cancer friend are the only ones to show up. You won't believe the reason why Leo didn't show up though. To sit next to their crush. I am sick of it!

How does this relate to being second though? Because, I'm put behind someone else, one person is slightly more important than me and Cancer friend. It sucks! I wanted to yell at them that their obsessed with this person.

Then my Virgo "friend", they straight up call me boring and uninteresting! I've heard them say they don't like someone, yet they still hang out with them, make plans with them. I started wondering, am I on that same level? Are they really my friend? I don't know anymore.

I'm consistently 2. Not 1, not 3, not 4590284! 2. I'm done.

I hate it, I'm tempted to say eff it and on purposely get last. At least it's something new.

I'm out! Adios! Au revoir! Bye!