Hamilton Oneshots (2)

Semicolon Tattoo (Jeggy)

Requested by hmmyfan369

Trigger Warning: Depression, Mentions of Self Harm, and Mentions of Suicide

It's been a week since Peggy got back from the mental institute she was sent to after a suicide attempt a month ago. She hadn't spoken to John yet, she hasn't even seen him yet. Her life felt like it was spiraling out of control and she couldn't control it. Today marked the seventh day she has been back and her sisters were still doting on her, they were scared she was going to try again.

"Pegs?" Eliza knocked on the door but Peggy didn't reply as she usually didn't anymore. Eliza waited the usual five seconds before opening the door, "There's somebody here to see you, Margarita."

She looked up silently, they'd been trying to surprise her every day so she enjoyed life more or something. She honestly didn't though and it wasn't their fault, "Peggy?" But this time...it worked.

"J-John!" She got up so quick she spilled the water she'd been drinking. She ran over and threw her arms around him, "Where have you-you been?! Huh?!" She began shaking him as the tears started.

"C-Calm down!" John whined and waved so Eliza left the room, closing the door behind her. He held her arms, "I'm sorry I should've been here sooner I just...I've just been..." He looked away in embarrassment.

"Been what?" Peggy asked and stepped back, giving him some room to breathe. She looked up at him and tried to memorize his features, it almost felt like she'd forgotten what he looked like in their time apart.

His freckles still looked like an astronomical chart, his curls were crazy and unruly, and his shoulders broad with intense muscles. John nodded and his hair bounced, "Pegs...I-I just..you scared the shit out of me." He mumbled and she looked away guiltily, he wasn't the first one to say that, "I got a call from A-Angelica. All-All she said was you swallowed pills. I-I thought I'd lost you.."

He bit his lip and Peggy's breath caught in her throat when she realized he was crying, his shoulders shaking. Peggy dropped her head, "I just...sometimes I don't want to be alive anymore.." She mumbled.

"That's not your fault," John told her, taking her hands. She looked up and tried not to acknowledge the stream of tears falling down his cheeks, "It's really not. Just listen I...did something..it might seem stupid but it's the only thing I could think of.." Silently John held out his arm and rolled the sleeve up to reveal a tattoo, he didn't use to have that, "Do you know what the semicolon means?"

Peggy shrugged, "It-It's a punctuation mark..you pause?" She didn't really pay much attention to English an especially not when she did English homework.

"Well, that's true but not what I'm getting at.." John said and suddenly pulled Peggy into his arms, putting his face in her hair as he mumbled a muffled, "A semicolon is put in a sentence when an author could have ended their sentence but didn't. Just...think about a semicolon next time you think about hurting yourself, please don't end your sentence."

"Did you..." Peggy pulled away from the hug to stare at the tattoo, picking up his arm, "Did you honest to God get a tattoo just for me?" She whispered it would be a lie to say she wasn't touched.

"That's not all I got," John told her. She looked at him to see him getting down on one knee, her breath sped up, "We've been dating for eight years, Peggy, I think..." He pulled out a white box and opened it, "I think this experience taught me something. Not only do I never want to lose you, I also want to experience so much more with you. I want to marry you, start a family, go on vacations, adopt some animals, accidentally break stupid laws, drink wine in the front yard after a Nerf gun fight.." He looked away, took a breath, and then returned his eyes to her, "I don't care about the scars on your wrists and thighs, I don't care about the paper in your medical document that says you were inside a mental institute, and I just...want to wake up by your face every morning and I want to grow old, gray, and ugly with you. Please...don't end your sentence before its even begun. Margarita Schuyler..will you marry me?"

Peggy broke down, "Y-Yes of course yes!" She cried, throwing her arms around him and crying onto his shoulder, only breaking the hug so he could put the ring on her finger, "John I-I can't do this alone..."

"I know," John replied and led her back to her spot on the floor, sitting down with her and hugging her tightly, "I know I have to be there every step of the way and I want to be there...I love you and it's my job as the man who loves you to protect you. I adore you. Please...promise me that if you ever think about this, I don't care if you talk yourself down, if you ever even think about it then...talk to me. I don't care if you call me, text me, skype me, stalk me until you find out what Starbucks I am in...just call me. If you ever..." He couldn't finish the sentence as he choked up. It took him a few moments of dry heaving and sobbing as Peggy herself began to cry from the explosiveness of John's emotions, "A-A part of me would have died too."

"John..." Peggy looked at him with guilt, she had managed to break the strongest man in her life. He's gone from a happy-go-lucky turtle lover to this and it was all her fault, "I just...I feel so bad sometimes.."

"I know..." He sighed and pulled her closer, "And emotions are good, they shouldn't be bottles and forced away. But they shouldn't control you and your life either. Just...say you'll love me forever and you won't willingly leave me, please? Promise me..."

"Okay, I promise," Peggy said, putting her head against his shoulder, "As long a-as you promise me the same."

"Of course I promise..."