Don't Break My Heart (A BajanCanadian Fanfiction)

Chapter 25 ~ Suicide

~~~{Lily's P.O.V}~~~

"Do you want pancakes?" Destiny asked, popping into my room.

Ignoring my rumbling stomach, I answered, "No."

"Do you want breakfast?" She asked.

"No."

"Okay then!" She shrugged and walked back out the door.

Actually, I did went pancakes. I did want breakfast.

But I refused to eat anything.

I was in depression....my loving, caring, sweet boyfriend was dead. He died doing a crime.

I closed my eyes.

I would normally ridicule people for doing this. "Oh my god I'm in depression and I won't eat anything because I'm sad!" *girly squeal* (I hope I didn't offend anyone by that 0.o, but I guess I wasn't offended so it'll be ok :/ And if it does offend you, then hopefully the next paragraph will make you feel, at least a little, better.)

But I guess you just have to be there to understand. (Very, very true.)

And besides, maybe if I was just a little more caring, a little more loving, a little more passionate, Brian would still be alive. My heart would not be broken to pieces.

My boyfriend was not the criminal type of guy. In fact, he would be scared if anyone even mentioned stealing something or committing a crime.

So why, I ask myself, did he kidnap a girl? Two girls?

Maybe Brian will be in heaven, waiting for me to die. That thought filled me with hope. He would be in heaven, patiently waiting for me to join him.

I could commit suicide.

But, I asked myself, do people that commit suicide go to heaven?

I debated this point for about half an hour, then I made up my mind.

I would kill myself. I was killing myself out of love, so that's not bad, right?

I didn't know just how to kill myself, because I didn't want to hurt anyone else. I wouldn't want to wish this horrible heartbreak on anyone, ever, because someone they loved was dead.

I opened my eyes, sat up, and walked out of my door for the first time in days. I didn't bother to change out of my fancy clothes since I put them on, which was before I realized my half-twin was kidnapped.

"Going somewhere?" My sister asked.

"I'm going for a run." I lied. "I'm going to try to calm myself with the fresh air."

Destiny eyed my black pumps. "With those?"

I shrugged sheepishly and said, "I guess I should change into better clothes. Can I borrow some of yours? I barely ever go on runs, so I don't have many clothes for running. Besides, I haven't washed all of my clothes for days." I wrinkled my nose for effect.

Destiny nodded. "Sure. Just pick anything you want. I would recommend the...." She described the outfit, finishing with, "That's what I usually wear when I'm going running. I run about once a week, but I haven't been doing it very much lately..."

"Thanks!" I pretended to be happy and walked back into my room. I decided to write a note to explain my "absence."

It took me a little while because I kept crying on it, but I finally got my suicide note down:

Dear world,

I am too sad to continue any longer. If I did continue, my life would be ruined anyway. There's no meaning in life for me any more. I'm sorry I had to take the easy way out, I really am. I do know that I could go to a therapist and get my problems "fixed," but that would seem like I was...I don't know, cheating. Because I don't have any meaning in life anymore. I don't think life would ever be the same for me anymore. I'll always remember that I was happy once, and then life took that away from me. At least when I leave I'll be able to see Brian in heaven.

With love for all,

Lily Assen

~~~{~}~~~

A couple minutes later, I was on the road in Destiny's clothes and my iPod. The clothes fit a little tight, because Destiny had a slender figure and I was a little taller than her.

I pressed "play" on my iPod ---choosing a random song--- and started jogging away from the house.

"Human" by Christina Perri came on.

(A/N you should listen to this song now)

I turned into a busy road and, picking a random direction, started walking. I didn't want to get hit by a car because I didn't want the driver to get sued for killing me by my friends because they had the wrong impression.

At the end of the road, there was a bridge. The perfect way to kill myself.

I smiled, thinking about what it would be like to see Brian again. I allowed myself to be swept away by my wishes once more, for the last time in my life, then I got in control of myself again and started walking to the middle of the bridge. It seemed, somehow, that it was better to go off of the middle of the bridge rather than the side. It seemed, somehow, more spectacular.

When I got to the middle of the bridge, I pulled myself up onto the railing and balanced myself. A couple cars were honking, but if didn't care.

Maybe I did care a little, but only because I wished they would go about their business instead of worrying about me.

I looked back, taking in the world I was about to leave. I tensed my legs, ready to jump.

Somewhere, someone screamed, "DESTINY!" but I didn't care. That's not even my name, anyway.

I guess they mistook me for my sister. I don't know how people can do that, because our hair colors are different, but I guess I was wearing Destiny's clothes.

Three...two....one...

I jumped off the bridge, doing flips, tucked safely into a cannonball for a couple moments. Then I opened my arms and legs wide and stared up at the sky. It felt like I was flying, and I was finally peaceful for the first time in weeks.

Then I fell into the roaring and crashing waves.

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