Gilmore Girls: Wish Upon a Snow

Chapter 8

"Rory?" Jess ran his hand down her arm and squeezed, his face lined with concern. 

Rory blinked, startled. She hoped that she had not been staring as she remembered their last meeting together. She forced a smile. "Hey, Jess! I'm sorry. I have a lot on my mind tonight." She crossed her arms, discomfort evident on her face.

Jess ran his thumb along his jaw, sighing. He had finally been able to express his feelings. He had kissed Rory. They had slept together, for God's sake. He had not heard from her since. It had been weeks. The first two weeks, Jess had been devastated. His and Rory's relationship had always been on the precipice of something fantastic, but they had never been able to grasp hands and jump together. He stared at Rory. Here he was, transported back to the edge of the cliff, and Rory was not even on the mountain. He slid his hands into his pockets, saying nothing.

Rory sighed. "So... it's been awhile."

Jess looked away, tongue in his cheek. "Yup," he said shortly.

Rory was quiet, playing with a loose string on her coat. 

"I can't do this with you, Rory. I love you. I have loved you since we were kids. I can't have a functional relationship outside of you. Every girlfriend I have had I have compared to you. She's good, but she's not Rory. How do you think I feel? I'm in my 30s and I can't get a relationship off the ground because I am not over my high school girlfriend? I am disgusted with myself. You're warm, you're genuine. You're fascinating. I feel like my best self when I am with you. I haven't been able to forgive myself since I walked away from you all those years ago, but I can't keep beating myself up. You came back here, we slept together, and here I am thinking this is finally happening, finally! Then you don't even call me. You either want me, or you don't. Either you are all in, or you are never seeing me again. I don't even care that Luke and Lorelei are married now. I will stay gone. I don't have to see you or be around you. If I can't be with you, then I can't see you. It hurts. If you can't give this a try, then I need to leave. I need to go far away...I need to move on." His voice was raw, racked with emotion. He ran his hands through his hair, staring into her eyes.

Rory stood on the sidewalk in the cool night air. His words stung. She had never been good with ultimatums. Rory had a hard time facing hurt that she caused. She was a natural-born people pleaser. Disappointing people was not her strong suit, but her desire to forge her own path and get what she wanted had caused her to make decisions lately that were full of wanton disregard for the feelings of others. It was hard for her to see how much her choices had hurt him. She felt a lump growing in her throat. She didn't know what she wanted. This was her problem, she wanted to have all of her options open. Her options were real people, with real feelings. Jess deserved so much better.

"Jess..." she began.

"What is it, Rory?" Jess asked, more than a hint of irritation in his voice.

"I'm pregnant."