Zeichirou Steele POV
" Amp! " I hissed to myself and then covered my head with my pillow. Kinuha ko yung phone ko para tignan ulit yung oras. DAMN!
It's already 2:13 in the midnight. Umaga na at lampas 2 am na pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko parin magawang makatulog not even inaantok.
Kanina pa kasi naglalaro sa isip ko ang mukha ni Emcy, ang mga bagay na ginagawa namin nung magkasama pa kaming dalawa. Mga bagay na kailan may ayaw ko na sanang wakasan. Namimis ko na sya.
Pakiramdam ko hindi na matatapos ang bangungut ko na to. I taked a deep breath and maked a sigh. Si Emcy, I still love her, I know. Hindi naman nagbago yun ee kahit konte. Pero parang talagang mailap na ang lahat para sa aming dalawa. She just left me without giving a word. I dont know what really her reason was. I was just thinking that its all about of that fvckn-pregnancy thingy I saw. I dont have the confirmation yet. But what ever it is. I still love her. She's the girl thae meant to me. She's the girl that I've been looking for but. . I just lost her unknowingly.
She's EVERYTHING. . But she left me nothing.
I wanna forget her. I want to forget this fvckn feeling for that I have for her.
This pain, this pain inside killing me instantly. It's a damn shit! huting me a second! I wanna forget this pain immediately.
In other words. . .
I wanna forget her. BUT not permanently.
Pero tingin ko magagawa ko lang yun if there will be someone who will stand as her replacement in the space where she had just left inside me.I wanna have someone who will be with me in time UNTIL she came back.
Yes. Ayoko mang gawin but I really have to.
I DONT WANT TO CRY A NIGHT AGAIN. T__T
I wanna burried this pain for a while. That is why I have to set everthing up.
Im planning to use Lyra as her replacement. Its no good, masasaktan ko sya. Pero pag hindi ko naman ito gagawin.
AKO NAMAN ANG MASASAKTAN : (
I tried to close my eyes again. But I can still fvckin see her face.
Her memory with me are still so fresh. Fresh enough to make me cry again.
It's so gay but I just cant help it!
Its the onlu way to lessen this pain Im feeling..
I wiped my cheek with my arm.
She is still in my heart. I love her. I made a heavy sigh again and started to pretend that it was just nothing. That Im better to my pain and I can still handle things well. I feel drops running so fast through out my eyes down to my cheek. Naisip ko, kung nakikita lang nila ako, ng buong tropa ngayon. Malamang ay pagtatawanan nila ako. They knew me as a strong one, a fearless gangster that never afraids of anything. A delinquent guy that can always kill smile and filled it with blood.
But they dont know me yet.
The real I am.
Ako si Z, siga at matapang. WALANG AWA AT MABANGIS. Yun yung Z na nakilala at nasasabi nila kapag nakikita nila ako. But they never knew the Z behind of those fearless eyes Ive shown.
They just see my demonic side but not my sorrows. They only noticed those serious-simple-impressions I have whenever Im out with them. Ang Z na akala nila ay matapang, they never knew that
Im so weak and afraid, and thats what Im really is. Ako si Z nagkukunwaring matapang. But deep inside of me, they never see the pain that killing me.
Its gay to know Im crying but thats who I am. I am not me now. Everything on me was changed since she left me. She change me possitively before but now she's bringing it all back and pulling me how to be cruel again. Ive never be the the same Z they've met. I am now the Z that opposes everything what their eyes is telling.
Ako si Z, manggagamit at duwag. Ako si Z matapang pero takot. Ako si Z. . .
but not anymore the Z that you have known. Dont catch me by your first impression. I might just kill you if you did. I just have the miror of being perfect. But has the the reflection of being alone. After 20 years I stopped myself from crying. Im still sobbing but I get myself a lil relief after releasing all those tears out. I want Lyra. I want to use her for my own intentions. I sobbed.
Pumikita ko saglit pagkatapos ay nakatulog narin ako. I slept with tears in the eye. As shadow's slowly eating my consciousness, her image drews again in my mind. TT____TT.
Paulit ulit na lang. Nakakasawa na.
PAGOD NA AKO SA GANITONG SET-UP
: (
