I layed on my bed, actually I don't think I would ever get out of it again. I was comfortable here, I was safe and I didn't have to see anybody if I just stayed here. My life had fallen apart, it had no meaning anymore and I didn't care. I missed my mom so much it hurt, and Matt, he was the only person who could make me feel better and he was gone too. I wiped my face with my hand, I'd been crying for days and frankly I was sick of it.
I closed my eyes, sleep, that helped. I buried my face in my pillow, it still smelt like Matt. I can't believe he'd left, the way he left, almost excited to be let off. Better now than later I guess, but it hurt, it hurt alot.
I got a pain in my stomach, I tried to remember the last time I'd eaten, but I couldn't, I didn't want to. Finally I drifted back to sleep.
A knock on my door woke me up.
"What?" I called out.
Josh opened the door tentatively "Ana, we need to talk."
"No, we don't so go away." I had the blankets pulled over my head.
"It's been five day's since the funeral and you haven't come out of your room, are you even eating? I mean enough is enough Ana." I cannot believe he is trying lecture me.
"Josh, please, just leave me alone."
He stood there a moment longer then he left. I didn't need him telling me what to do, I knew he was getting drunk everynight, so who was he telling me enough was enough.
I looked at my phone, another message from Stacey saying she was sorry, I don't know what she even had to be sorry about, it was all true anyway, and another message from Lilah asking me to call her, yeah, I wouldn't do that either.
I threw my phone back on the bedside table and rolled over and closed my eyes again.
Knocking on my door woke me again.
"For fuck sake, leave me alone." I yelled.
"No I won't. " Lilah said barging in. "Jesus Christ Ana, what are you doing to yourself?"
I looked at her, I had no idea what she was talking about.
"Get up." She said pulling the blankets back. "Get up and go and look at yourself in the mirror, jesus."
"No, go away, just leave me alone, alright." I pulled the blankets back up.
I felt her sit on the bed "Ana, please." She whispered. "If you could see what I see."
I laughed, I probably sounded crazy. "And just what do you see hmmm please tell me, I'd love to know. Do you see a pathetic girl, laying around because everyone she cared for left her, is that what you see Lilah?" I was yelling "Well is it?"
She stood up "I see my best friend dying before my eyes." And she turned and left.
Thankgod she was gone, I could sleep now.
Sleep. The only peace I got.
