Impossible (Jerrie)

thirty nine

Perrie's pov

Christmas is coming in a few days and I am everything but not in the spirit. When a holiday movie is playing on the TV,I switch the channel. When I go into a shop and hear Christmas songs I put my headphones in and listen to the depressing songs I got into a few months ago.

I have no plans for the holiday. I was suppose to meet the girls,Jesy and Lee,but I don't want them to not stay with Jade,only to stay with me. All I can say is that I miss Jade more than anything and that I want her back into my life. I can't believe I actually listened to all the crap Alex said about her.

It hurts me to see her turning her head into the opposite direction when we met in the hallway. She changed me,in a good way. I remembered when I first met her. She was struggling to get all of those boxes in her room when she moved here. She was wearing a ribbon in her hair,looking so innocent.

Jesy texted me about a 'party before Christmas' at her house,because on he actual holiday,most of us are going to stay home with our families. But she also told me that there are not going to be more than 15 people,and that's what concerned me.

The party will be tonight. I am not in the mood of going to a party tonight,but I don't want to let her down,and maybe Jade is going to be there too. I wanted to see her,even if we will not talk,at all.

My 'relationship' with Alex went downhill,once again. We broke up after 2 weeks of dating. I was a mess,I still am. I haven't brushed my hair in days,the dark circles under my eyes started to become more and more dark purple by every night that passed. After the break up,I became more and more weak. Everyone says that bad experiences make you a better and stronger person. That didn't apply to me,fortunately or unfortunately.

I pick a boring outfit that consists in a white jumper and black ripped jeans. I actually brushed my hair and put it in a high ponytail. I didn't even stress about make up,I was ugly with it on or not anyways.

-

Turns out that Jade is at this party too. I can see her,looking at Lee and her bad dance moves. This atmosphere reminds me of the birthday party that we threw for Jade months ago.

Everyone around me was having fun,except for me. Nothing was going fine in my life. My parents are fighting literally every day and it hurts me seeing them like this. But I didn't say anything. Now I understand what Jade was trying to tell me with 'you don't know how's like to go to sleep one night and hoping that the next day you will feel better.'

"C'mon Perrie! Have fun!" Jesy grabbed my hand and lifted me up from the sofa I was sitting on,now all of the people started watching me. Including her.

I sat down right after Jesy tried to make me feel a little bit better. I wasn't feeling like dancing,while my ex girlfriend could be looking at me at any moment.

After doing that,everyone looked at me again but I didn't care anyways. I got up by myself after a couple of minutes and rushed into the bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was looking horrible. My hair was so messy even if I tried to fix it by putting it in a ponytail. My eyes were dark,with no force of shining in the wark sunlight from the outside. They used to be so full of light and powerful,like they could see a big future in front of them.

I started crying. I became a huge mess. The old me from the begging of this year wouldn't be so proud of what she became at the end of it. I feel like if I would kill myself,nobody would ever fully notice.

Suddenly,I hear a soft knock on the door. I thought there was somebody at this party who wanted to use the bathroom,but they didn't say a thing. Plus,there is another bathroom upstairs so they could use that. I still don't say a word,but I know that person is still there. Then,I heard a voice,a soft one.

"Perrie,are you fine?"

I was completely sure it was Jade's voice that just said that. I went to the door knob and unlocked the door. I wasn't even thinking at this point. I wanted her,and nothing could stop me now.

I opened the bathroom door and I saw her,standing in front of me. She looks bad too,but not as bad as I do. Jade looked at me with sweet eyes,almost not believing I am so close to her.

"Uh,well..everything fine?" She asks me and I try my best to lie and tell that everything is fine so that we could move on with our lives.

"Yes." I say,trying my best to look at her.

"Stop lying. Would you like to go to the back garden? We could talk..only if you want. " God listened to my prayers,that's all I can say.

I nod,and we both go in the back yard. None of us spoke until we arrived there. I missed having her besides me. Even if she wasn't speaking,I still loved her company.

"How have you been?" She finally says something. Maybe she noticed I was too busy to comprehend what just happened.

"I could've been better. You?" I say,looking at her this time.

"Same"

There was an awkward silence between us. So,I decided to say something that I needed to ask her for so long.

"So..are you dating Jed?" She seemed so calm,she wasn't mad at me for asking that question.

"No..are you still with Alex?" She asks me

"No,thank God" I say,remembering everything that happened in the past days

"Why?"

"Well,he is a jerk. He did some bad stuff to me,that I still remember perfectly. I guess you were right.." I say,with my eyes on her face.

"Right about what?" She turned her head so that she could face me

"He really did change me." While we were sitting on the bench,she put her head on my shoulder. That felt good.

"Of course I am right. I always am" She says and we both giggle. I missed that giggle.

"The thing is,Jade.." I was ready to tell her I miss her. Even if she didn't anymore,I will be relieved with myself that I told her this.

"Yes?" Jade says,looking at the stars that are shining so bright,even if the cold of December was surrounding us,I still felt warm.

"I miss you" I say,my heart beating faster by the minute.

She didn't say a word,and I started to feel bad about it immediately after.

"It's okay,I get it..you don't feel the same way" I got up,started walking to the door so that I could get in the house.

"Perrie no wait!" I hear her steps in the snow coming closer and closer to me,so I froze in my place.

"What I wanted to say is that.." She puts her hand on my shoulder and I turn around to face her.

"I miss you too." She hugs me and I hug her back after a couple of seconds in which I was trying to figure out what happened.

Then we got back into the house,and crashed on the sofa. Leigh Anne and Jesy were looking at us with a confused expression on their faces. Jed was there too,and he just smiled when he saw us.

We talked the rest of the night about bunch of stuff,but not something very important. After about 1 hour and a half,we all went home.

That night was one of the best nights I had in a while.

-

They finally talked!
sorry for mistakes I am lowkey stupid