Silent Memories

Reason for my smile..

I walked fast through the hallway, keeping my eyes focused on the ground, away from the people because I knew that they'd be laughing at me. I could feel tears running down my cheeks but I didn't have time to wipe them off. Not knowing where I was going, I turned left and entered the washroom. Just like at home, I locked myself trying to control my tears.

*FLASHBACK*

The race was about to start. I was trying to focus on the race and not anything else when I felt something. Someone pulling my hair. It was Samantha, my classmate.

"No need to warm up you know! You wouldn't even win!" I could read her lips.

I knew what to do. Somehow, I stopped my tears because I didn't want anyone to think that I was weak. But deep down, I knew that I was. I knew that I acted strong but I wasn't. All I ever did was cry. I couldn't speak so even my screams couldn't be heard. I ignored her and smiled. Just as I turned around, I felt someone hit me from behind. I fell down and my leg started bleeding.

"You know what? You're weak, but you act all strong. Always smiling, huh.."

Pain was something I had gotten used to. I even tried to kill myself once but couldn't when I thought about my family. I thought ending my life would make their lives easier. They're always busy helping me because I'm deaf and can't speak. And I didn't want to make them worry more... And so, I made the decision of killing myself... but eventually, I couldn't.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

I wiped off my tears and put on a fake smile like always. After washing away the blood from my leg, I went to my class as the next period was about to start. As soon as I stepped inside, my eyes focused on the blackboard.

"IRIS IS A CRYBABY"

I looked at everyone laughing at me. I picked up the duster and erased everything. I don't get why everyone hates me so much. It was English period and for some reason, I couldn't focus on studies which was the reason why I wasn't able to note down the homework. I took out my notebook for conversations and wrote down a note asking a classmate to tell me what the homework was. I patted on the shoulder of a classmate and showed her the notebook. At first, she smiled which made me smile too but it broke my heart when she didn't write anything and laughed. I went back to my desk, trying to figure out what to do. In no time, it was recess and so, it was time to meet my little sister Bethany. She knows sign language which makes it easier for me to talk with her.

"Why do you smile even when you're hurt?" If I would've been honest, even I didn't know. I felt like seeing myself smiling in the mirror gave me hope. But it didn't... Maybe I smiled at people, trying to tell them that I was already too hurt to get hurt. I ignored her question and told her that I wanted to read a book. It was a book about a girl whose life changed after a guy came into her life. I wished that my life could be so perfect, but I knew that it wouldn't. I knew that all stories didn't have happy endings. And so, I tried not to fall in love with anyone. Because loving someone who doesn't love you back would only kill you inside...