I choose You

Chapter 24

Beam POV

I was wrong. Why did I ask him to break up? I must have gone crazy. I think it was the best decision for both of us, so we would be able to study well. But you know what happened? After being released from hospital, I felt miserable. Kit who ended up helping me out was confused because of my gloomy face. I couldn't tell anyone about what happened to me and Forth.

Not yet. I don't believe it either.

My heart lost its owner, and I lost my appetite. I don't know where the connection is, but I seriously feel worst. My inner feeling tells me to call Forth, and say it was my mistake and I don't want to break up. Meanwhile the other part of me still think that I was right. I know that I'm egoist and didn't consider how Forth felt, but what can  we do? I can't maintain a relationship which went along without proper communication. Do you think I should put up with this even we don't see each other and get busy with our own life? At first I think so. I believed that I could overcome this phase by ignoring the emptiness, but I finally realized I needed encouragement. Forth did that, but I wanted more than that. I know I act like a bitch here yet I don't want to be blamed why our relationship fell apart.

I decide to skip today's classes because I still feel the pain in my head. Yeah.. now the cause is not my assignment. Pha called me many times, but I rejected all of them. I don't want to talk about my situation right now. Pha might sense there is something wrong with me since I acted differently lately. I'm not sure whether both Pha and Kit would call Forth or not about my absence today. Hopefully they won't because it will  bring a trouble to me. 

Hoping that he comes and hugs me like before.

Forth POV

Yesterday, Bram wanted to break up with me. His one-side decision really made me go mad. Why did he take such crazy decision? didn't he consider my feeling after all? He said it was for our own good. Unfortunately, I don't think that way. It was a lame excuse. Breaking up with Beam is something that I never imagine. I have always said I want him to be the one for me. Yet, Beam thought our relationship is an obstacle for our study.  I  I was little bit disappointed on him, so I chose to agree and left him alone in the hospital even though my heart hurt.

I realize our relationship these past few weeks is gone bad. I couldn't call him because of my project. My lecturers give deadline before midterm test. Well we won't have the tests but paper assignments instead which make the situation become worse. I had to stay at Lam's apartment since he is the only one who owns the most sophisticated computer. I, Tor and Sharp turned his room into a mess.

Then, my boyfriend showed up and later passed out. He, later, brought up the topic which I wouldn't like at all, to break up. How many time do I have to make him believe that I love him so much? He know the fact already but Beam just shows his ignorance.

Beam is being ridiculous. He said he didn't want this relationship disturb our study, yet I just got a call from Ming who told me that Beam didn't attend the class.  Ming who always manages to see Kit every afternoon have become my secret informant for these past few weeks. He always gives me information how Beam is doing and his whereabouts. I was both glad and anxious when Ming told me Beam has many works yet he only ate small portion of meals. I planned to send lunch food through Ming, but I guess it is too late.

No.... It is not.

Beam skips his class . it means that he is at his dorm right now.

"Forth.. Where are you going?" Sharp taps my shoulder when I just stand up from my chair.

"Home..?!" I sound uncertain.

"Oh...okay. Luckily we don't have two classes this afternoon. Our lecturers should attend seminars more often hahahaha," Sharp sparkling eyes suddenly turn into a pain because Lam hits his head.

"You jerk only want to skip class, don't you? If the professors don't come today, it means we must have more assignments and attend make-up class." Lam warns us. "Oi Forth, you should go now. Your face look like wanting to chop our heads since morning. You look terrible. Do you have problem with your wife?" He emphasizes the word wife, referring to Beam.

"Hu'uh. I gotta go. See you tomorrow, guys." I avoid Lam's question, and run to parking area.

                                                ***

I drive to Beam's dorm as fast as I can although I'm still not sure whether I should talk with him again or not. I'm still afraid of facing the fact we just 'broke up'  yesterday. I stand up in front of his dorm and knock his door. I must wait a few minutes until I hear the key sound.

"Forth?" Beam is surprised when seeing me in front of him right now.

I don't move at all. I look at his face properly which is pale and cachectic. I just realize that he lost some weight since the last time we met each other. Stupid me, Why did I not pay attention to this small matter yesterday? I'm such a bastard.

I take a deep sigh. I can smell Beam's scent which I have been missed.  "May I go in?" I ask. 

Why am I so awkward? I never ask him this kind of question. 

Beam blinks his eyes showing his disbelief. Fortunately, he steps aside to give me permission entering his room. I take a look at his room. It is still tidy and clean. According to Ming's information, Beam and Kit stayed at Pha's dorm to complete their assignment. No wonder I can't see his untidiness today.

I stop walking and turn around. Beam looks so weak. I pull him to my embrace and hug him. "I miss you."

"Forth... we..."

"Sssttt... don't talk." I whisper. I need more time to be with him, immersed by his touch and scent. I think all these problems happened because of me. I'm not a good boyfriend.

We are still hugging for a few minutes. I'm glad he didn't refused, but he hugs me back.

"I don't want to break up with you, Beam. You know I love you, right? We have gone through all things these past six months, and I can't be without you. I'm sorry for not being with you when you are busy. If you want me to come to your faculty and visit your dorm every day, I'll do it."

Beam doesn't say anything, but later I hear him sobbing. "Beam? Are you crying?" I'm deadly worried. "Are you hurt or something?" I lift up his head. He is really crying.

"I'm sorry, Forth... I...... miss you too.... I," He cries like a baby. Cute Beam.

"It's okay.. it's okay.... don't cry. I'm here." I kiss his head and hug him back. "We are good, then? Don't say you want to break up with me again. Promise?" I say gently.

He nods and giggles.

aaaaah.... I can't let him go.

                                -to be continued-

I'm sorry about the previous chapter. Most of the comments went like "NO!!!!" lol.

Actually I should have posted this chapter sooner, but seeing you guys got angry, I decided to post it later. (I know I'm bad, sorry for that lmao)

See you next week guys. Have a nice weekend.