I choose You

Chapter 32

Beam POV

"...Let's break up Forth. There is nothing left between us." My voice is cracking. I can't hide my tears.

Forth is taken aback. He takes one step closer to reach my shoulder, but I already sign him to stop. I believe I won't have any guts to break up for real if he begs my forgiveness.

"Don't do this, Beam. Forth is sorry, na~? Let me fix it all...Please?!" I can notice Forth's eyes become teary. He looks sorry which make me want to hug him.

No... I can't.

"Stop it, Forth. Stop wasting our time to this broken relationship. You deserve better than....."

"THE FUCK... NO........" He yells at me. "Never said that kind of bullshit, Beam. No one deserves me, except YOU.... I want no one but you.. You feel the same right?! " He looks at me with deep glance,"

"But...."

"No but, Beam. Cut this bullshit. We will never ever break up. Now please....... forgive me. If you want me to resign, I will, as long as you forgive me,"

Forth doesn't move. He only looks at me, waiting for my answer.

Shit.... He is my 'old' Forth, always forces whatever he wants if it's related to our relationship.

"Na~....?" He weakens his voice. I can say nothing.

"No...." I'm finally able to respond. Forth will say something, but I cut it off "Don't quit from your work. I'm not worth it,"

Forth sends me a death glare. I know he is tired of me who love saying nonsense. I know he loves me to the point he can leave anything for me. But I'm here, and become demanding.

He fights for our relationship, yet I want to end this easily. 

"Are you serious, Beam? No chance for us, after all things we have done together?"

I bit my lips. I suddenly  get my sense back, not sure what I'm doing right now.

"Beam......." He calls my name sadly. He takes steps closer, reach my shoulder and hold my hand. "Let's make up, na~?! Don't make me pull you to the nearest hotel and fuck you with no mercy until you forgive me."

My eyes widely open. Forth must go crazy.
"Forth.. Wha....?" I can't finish my words because his lips are already on mine.

"Don't talk," he says softly. His mouth literally eats mine. My lips don't protest, but I don't kiss him back either.

"Fort....h... please...." I'm trying to stop his action, however it just makes him kiss me harder. Rough. He hardly kissed me like this, he only did whenever he missed me.

Did he miss me that much?

                                        ***

We shouldn't end up at hotel. I bit his lips as hard as I can, "STOP IT! Can't we talk normally without having sexual activity?" I  sound breathless. His kiss have taken out all my oxygen. Forth looks angry and horny at the same time.

Seriously... What kind of boyfriend do I have? A horny bastard?

My anger isn't able to stop him, he wants to kiss me again, "No kiss, Forth! STOP IT" 

"Why?" He asks innocently. "Why can't I kiss you? You're my boyfriend, and I miss you. Kissing is normal, right?" He raises his tone.

What the hell happening here? a moment ago he begged to forgive him, yet now he has turned into a beast.

"We're breaking up, Forth," I answer him back. Well... I'm still not sure whether we break up or not, but I know that I should stop it here.

I grab his collar to stop him moving. We shouldn't have any physical affection. It isn't not good for my heart. Meanwhile, Forth looks at me in disbelief. He must feel shocked that his kiss can't change my decision. He takes a deep sigh, and says. "Alright. If you are already sure about it. But you must know that my heart will never let you go. Call me whenever you want me to come to you. I'll find my way to you, Beam. I love you."

He steps back, and walks away. My brain can't process it. Later, I find myself crying without sound. Tears drop from my eyes. 

He finally decided to accept my decision, and go? 

                                             ***

Two days later in Bangkok

I finally go back to my workplace after I disappeared for more than a week. I thought my supervisor would gave me a warning letter. Surprisingly, he just talked to me and asked me not to do it again.

"Where the heck did you go?" Kit hits my head with his notebook.

"What.......?"

"Don't play fool. You disappeared without any notices. I thought we were friend, no? You just left hospital and your dorm. I and Pha  even couldn't reach your number. You'd better to tell me now." Kit is ready to listen as he takes a seat in front of me, not ordering any food from the cafeteria. 

"There is nothing to tell, Kit." I avoid any discussion about my love life. It still hurts.

"What happened between you and Forth?" This friend insists to know everything.  I keep silent until Pha comes and says. "Are you okay after breaking up with Forth?"

How did he know?

Kit looks shocked since his mouth widely open, while Pha is still waiting for my answer. "Yeah... we broke up."

"Why?"

"It's impossible to maintain our relationship...." I gulp. "Long distance relationship doesn't for us, especially for me. You guys know what kind of person I am. Stubborn, lousy, and demanding,"

"No... I mean yeah... You are, but it isn't the right choice, Beam. It can be temporary. Forth is possibly moved here," Kit sounds amnoyed. The fact I and Forth broke up must be a shocking reality.

"Forth isn't type who would accept the break up. How could he? Don't tell me you did or said something weird?" Pha finally speaks up. I guess he had tried to help me and Forth.

I shake my head, "He accepted my decision. That's it."

"Then..... How do you feel now?" Kit and Pha are waiting for my answer.

My feeling...

Do I feel happy? No.

Relieved? No

Empty? Yes.......

Do I miss Forth? Definitely

I always miss him, to the point my heart was brought along with his when he let me go.

But I can't say that to my friends. I'm not answering the question until Kit says, "Oh Beam.... You're messed up."

Pha taps my shoulder and says, "Just cry out loud, Beam. Dropping tears without sound is surely hurting yourself,"

I touch my cheeks, and I feel there are my tears.

Am I crying?

                                                  to be continued

Thank you for reading my story even though I'm not able to update it as fast as you wish. ╥﹏╥

For those who will meet SBFive in Vietnam, enjoy !! They are very very friendly & fabulous ( ˘ ³˘)❤

I miss Tae Darvid so much. Hopefully he will come here, so that I can see his handsome face again. (○'3｀)ﾉ