Lasting Love

Jordyn

Jordyn laid there chastising herself

What are you doing ? You've let him in too much already. What if he changed ? What if he hasn't changed ? What if he loves you like he says ? Feelings can't change right ?

The voice in her subconscious began to take over

Shut up you never got over him, never stopped loving him you still love him Maybe he feels the same

She laid there watching Jordan sleep and she saw the boy within the man she fell in love with .

Jordan's breathing was even and relaxed . His face , the face that haunted her dreams and graced her everyday through their son was boyish ,at times his dimple would dig in as he smiled in his sleep , hopefully a good dream or memory.

Jordan must have sensed her staring because he cracked open an eye looking confused and concerned .

"Baby what's the matter ? Do you need something ? Are you in pain ?"

Jordy ran her finger down his cheek. It was a soothing motion she'd done every time he began to feel tense or nervous .She hoped it helped now.

"Jordy talk to me "

Tears brimmed her eyes "I don't know if I can do this J . "

"Do what baby?"

"This. Us " she murmured motioning between them

Jordan pulled her in tighter.

"I'm scared J .I'm petrified to let you in my heart again "

"I'm not the same person I used to be Jordy I was a boy then. I'm a man now . I can't be influenced as easily as before , I've matured and I know who I need and want in my life. My family. "

Jordyn looked at him confused

Jordan cleared his throat as he clarified his last statement "You ,DJ ,Marc if you'll all have me I've fucked up many times with many people and I am willing to do whatever it takes to fix that ."

Jordan's words sounded sincere as his voice cracked hoarsely with emotion several times while he explained.

"So many goddamn times .Maybe I don't deserve another chance. Listen I think it's best I head home.I'll make sure you have a driver until your wrist is healed "

Jordan slid off the bed , got dressed and was out her front door before Jordyn was able to utter a word.

What the fuck just happened ?

Jordan didn't head straight home. He drove around and found himself at one of his old hang outs . The Sly Fox

Jordan hadn't drank in almost a decade and here he was getting ready to pull into the one place he knew would be a bad decision but that didn't stop him.

Once he parked his suv Jordan walked into the bar. Looking around it was completely different from the last time he'd been there . Not quite a decade but at least a few years back when he was there for his brother's bachelor party.

Ordering a beer Jordan leaned an elbow on the bar while he took in his surroundings.A busty blonde sauntered up to the bar eyeing him. Jordan had seen this look hundreds of times both on stage and off . She recognized him.

Fuck

"Jordan Knight ?"

Fuck why I hadn't I thrown on a fucking hat or something . Shades it's too dark for . Fuck me Maybe she'll leave if I ignore her.

"Excuse me ? Ahem? HELLLO !? Aren't you Jordan Knight ?"

Damn she's fucking pushy

"JoJo Knock it off ! Stop harassing my customers !" a man barked from somewhere behind the bar.

"Jesus fucking Christ Jim I was just tryin to see if he was ready for another Heinekin" JoJo snapped

"If he wants one he'll ask .You fucking got more customers than him . Keep it movin "

"Hey Kid "Jim said conspiratorially .The voice was very familiar and much closer to where Jordan was leaning on the bar.

Jordan knew he'd recognized the voice instantly.

"Hey ya old dirty bastard "

"Watch it kid .What the hell brings you to town and especially here . Thought you gave this shit up"

Jordan shook the older man's outstretched hand before replying

"I'm retiring and I'm far from a kid. "

"I heard you were back in town .How's DJ ? Emily?"

Jordan didn't miss the sarcasm in the old man's voice at the mention of his ex. Couldn't blame him she was an absolute bitch and he should've never married her. Kid or not they still could've co parented and remained unbound by a fucking piece of a tree.

Keeping his gaze on his bottle Jordan muttered "Dj's good . Emily don't know .Don't care. Haven't had to care in about a decade.

The irony wasn't lost on Jordan that his drinking problem started after he met Emily and ended after he'd kicked her sorry cheating ass out of his life.He'd been sober for a decade and single for much longer as far as he was concerned.

Can you consider yourself single when you miss the one good thing you fucked up? The one person who knew you better than yourself ? The love of your life ?

Grabbing his bottle Jordan sauntered over to the old jukebox . It was loaded with his music as well as music he'd done while with the group. He scanned the titles and her favorite song popped up like a fucking car with high beams on. It called to him. Jordan grabbed a few ones from his pocket and slid them in. Hitting the corresponding alpha numeric combination for the song , took a swig of his beer and listened to the familiar melody as it filled the bar.

Lying beside you Here in the dark Feeling your heartbeat with mine

Softly you whisper You're so sincere How could our love be so blind

We sailed on together We drifted apart And here you are By my side

Jordan took a long pull on the bottle , lit a cigarette and let the lyrics that they'd loved , never knowing they would be so prophetic .