All I Want • Alex Gaskarth (Adoption)

The Reveal

It's now or never. He wants to know it all. Alex said he'd fully consider online school if I told all. We made the deal. But I can't do it.

"I'm sorry, it's not worth it. I can't get into everything that's happened. I don't want to think about it, I don't want you to know about it. It's done and I can't tell you." I don't want to look him in his face.

"Lexi, we made the deal. You said you'd tell me it all. I don't want to force it, I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you, but you said you would tell me everything."

I sigh, yet again, and look up at him. Looking at his eyes were the worst. I can just SEE the hurt. I feel terrible for it, for causing that pain - I hate myself for it but I'm not talking about my past.

"It's not happening. You say you're not pressuring me but you ARE. Anytime you want something to go your way, you bring that up. 'Oh you want to do schooling online? Tell me about your oh-so-very-dramatic past, do tell.' Understand that I don't want to. I know I'm only fourteen and you have a right to know, I guess, but I don't want to give it up." It's MY decision and it's MY life. Not his.

Alex gets frustrated and pushes himself off the floor. He shoves past me in the hallway, his legs pushing me over. I glare over at him, watching as he angrily walks away and slams his door shut behind him when he goes into his room. See, he acts worse than I do when he doesn't get his way. And I'M the childish one. Soon enough I also leave the hallway and go into my room.

Then I lose it. I pick up my shoes from the floor and I throw them across my room. Within seconds I'm grabbing everything in sight and throwing it. My eyes are flooding with tears and I can't see a thing. All I know is I'm angry, upset, hurt, and feel ignored. He doesn't listen to a word I tell him. This was a mistake. Him adopting me was a mistake. He doesn't deserve having a kid and I don't need him. Everything was okay at the orphanage. It was GOOD, actually. Sure I had to deal with girls who felt so bad about themselves that they messed with me. But that's a small price to pay to be left alone otherwise, to make my own choices. Now I live with a guy who insists upon knowing everything and will do whatever to hear it. I hate it.

I don't stop throwing things. I'm angry. I keep going. Soon, Alex comes barging in my room and grabbing my hands. "Lexi, QUIT. Stop. Don't do that."

His gaze travels around my room; mine follows. My face is still soaked from my crying and I feel nothing more than anger. I pull my hands away from him and push him away from me. "Go! Out! Get out of my room!" I shove him backwards, and I think it throws him off-guard because he trips over his own feet and falls against the door. He didn't trip enough to fall to the floor, but he DID hit the door. His eyes just widened and in this moment I was afraid. I knew this look. I'd seen it many times before.

I slowly backed away from him. I don't want to get hit by him. Not him. His expression doesn't change. He stands up and fixed his shirt that rose a little against the door. "Fine. Play it your way. Get mad all you want. Jack is on his way. He's going to watch you for a while. You don't want to tell me about everything that's happened? Fine. I'll find out myself. It's not hard to talk to the people that you've spoken to over the years. I just figured we would do it the easy way and discuss it. But no, it's clear to me that you aren't having it. Fine, stay in your room. I'll be back later. Also you're grounded and have school on Monday."

I was so mad I didn't even say a word to him. My mouth opened in shock and he slammed my door. I didn't move. Soon I heard Alex angrily shouting something at Jack and then the front door closing.

I can't believe this. He's going to go around ASKING about my past? That's invasive and RUDE. I know I don't want to talk about it now but maybe I would later on. I'm so beyond mad he would go around me to find out. I don't want him to know for a REASON.