I deserve better part 2

chapter 19

Mumbai

Arnav's condo

Arnav sat in the dark with only Khushi running through his mind . Khushi his Khushi he had destroyed the only person who brought him peace he was disgusted with himself although he knew the very thing he was doing was wrong but he could not stop himself , everytime Anjali cried and stood in front of him he would go crazy and he would only have one thing in his mind hurt  those that hurt Anjali . The biggest punishment  a human can receive is not death but it is guilt. The guilt gnaws at you and it eats you up to the point where you feel utter disgust with yourself the thought of people finding out what you have done makes you feel ashamed and repulsed to even be in your own skin. The fact that he destroyed the only person who loved him unconditionally and forgave him unconditionally was what made him sick to the stomach.  Arnav wished he could have been like other husbands who adored and praised their wives in abundance , he wished he could be free like all those man and be happy. But happiness was  a thing that was  foreign to him . He simply did not know how to let go and for that he felt trapped , trapped in his own world that he had created a world he wished he could come out of . Freedom that was what he needed. 

Khushi 's house

"Hello , may I speak to Khushi please ?  And who might this be if I may ask ? 'Aru replied . "Well madam this is Arnav Singh raizada and before you hang up I want you to know I am not trying to upset Khushi ... please I just want her to hear me out " Arnav begged.

"...okay ,but I am warning you dare you start your nonsense I am going to hunt you down and skin you alive because this time Khushi has somebody looking out for her best interest now " Aru threatened .

Arnav shivered at Aru's threat and it was not because of fear but it was because Aru was being the person he was supposed to be for his wife , a protector .

"...Hello "

"Hi "

"Hi"

"Hi"

"Hi..again ,for how long are we going to keep saying this ? "Khushi chuckled .

Arnav felt a slight pull at his heart ,it had been a long time since he heard her laugh in fact he realised he had never heard her laugh before the only thing he was responsible  for was her tears.

"Eer.. listen I know that you probably don't want to talk to me "

"You are right I don't want to talk to you so please just get straight to the point I have a lot of things pending that need my attention ".

Arnav had almost forgotten that he was now dealing with a different Khushi , a confident and self-assured Khushi . He deserved her rudeness .

"I don't know where to start actually "...Arnav began . " I am guessing what I am trying to say is ...is ... shit this wasn't supposed  to be this hard I had everything memorised".

"Arnav I  am sorry but I really am busy if don't have anything to say other than wasting my time then I will hang up "

"Arnavji "

"What ?"

"That is what you used to call me Arnavji remember  "

"Year I remember but then again back then I used to respect you and you were my whole world . Mmm. .. I worshipped  the ground you walked on and look where that got me "

"I know ,  I know what I did to you was despicable  and no amount of apologies would ever make up for the nightmare I put you through but meri jaan never doubt the love I  have you and it is precisely this love that I have the strength to do what I am about to do "

"Arnav what are talking about ?"

"I  leaving Khushi and no I am not going back to Delhi,  I don't know where I am going really but I am leaving India ".

Khushi felt her heart stutter ,yes she was angry with Arnav but that did not mean that it did not hurt to hear that he was leaving India .

"I don't understand Arnav what madness is this ? "

"You don't have to understand anything Khushi , you see growing up I had always wanted to be a pilot but after my parents' deaths my responsibilities changed I could no longer think for myself I had to think of Anjali and the rest of the family "

"Okay what does this have to do with you leaving ?"

"What I am trying to say Khushi is the fact that I have always lived for other people and not for myself. I started my company  not for my pleasure but because my family needed the income. I had always  put people's needs before my own and in that process I lost myself ".

That was the only thing they had in common . Khushi realised that both Arnav and her had put people's needs before their own and that it was lead to their ultimate destruction . Khushi turned into a depressed soul while Arnav turned into an angry and bitter man .

"I am leaving Khushi inorder to find myself to find what makes me happy apart from you . I am leaving so that I can become a better man for you my love , I want you to know that no matter where I  go I will always love you . Meri ashiqui tumse hi ".

"Arnav I don't know what to say ...I  "

"You are not required  to say anything . I know that I have no right to ask you to wait for me but I am hoping that when I return you will give me a chance to win you over and if it happens that you find someone else that you may move on although I hope you don't ".

"...Arnav I .."

"Its okay Khushi you don't have to say anything goodbye my love "

"Goodbye Arnav Singh Raizada"