Breaking Slowly // h.s. au

Chapter Two

Chapter Two

*Elsie*

Songs-

Bleeding Out- Imagine Dragons

Breezeblocks- Alt-J

Never Say Never- The Fray

Wake Me Up- Avicii

The heaviness in me in growing like someone is sitting on me but when I open my eyes I'm alone and in pain. Every move I make is painful. Every thought I have is painful.

Harry.

That little fucker is all I can think about.

He was so nice to me yesterday- and for what? For shit. I'm still the same fucked up human being I was yesterday...and the day before...and the day before. I have been the same different fucked up stupid bitch for seventeen years. My moms are still here. I still don't believe in god even though I say Jesus Christ probably more than I speak and I won't change- I can't change.

I take my phone out from under my pillow and turn it on to see that there was still nothing interesting. No one had called... No one had texted... Nothing on the little social media I had...and I was off the map. Plus its noon.

I sat up slowly and stretched out my burning arms and legs. My torso felt like it was ripping apart as I arched my back and let out a yawn. Fucking Alex.

I grumbled to myself and stood up to be met with a wave of dizziness and the feeling of bile rising in my throat. I choked it back and grimace at the burning sensation and changed into sweat pants and a long sleeve shirt- I can't let Jen and Mara see the cuts or bruises.

Damn it's hot.

I pull my hair into a twisted bun and sighed as I remembered the endless life I'm living. Some days I just want this to go faster so I can go to college and get away. Some days I just want to end it all. I know that if I go to college everything will be the same, but then I will be alone in the real world.

The sun streams through my window and the warmth that accompanies it is creating a suffocating humidity. My perfume is literally choking me as it reaches boiling point. The purple splotches on my skin have yellowed in places and darkened in others. The bed looks so comfortable with my plush comforter splayed across it is a giant puffy heap. I love that damn thing. It used to be the sick blanket. If someone wasn't feeling well they would get the comfy blanket and we would watch a movie, preferably Finding Nemo. That was when I was young and naïve. Now I'm grown and everything that anyone has to say about the harshness of reality is a walk in the park compared to mine.

Ok now I sound like a whiny bitch.

I shake myself of all thoughts and walk downstairs to be greeted with Jen and Mara laughing and smiling over their morning coffee. It makes me happy to see them like this- smiles stretching ear to ear, curled up on the couch drinking their usual life sustaining coffee. It's the only normality in my life right now.

"Morning." I chirp from the doorway. My motions are slowly due to the pain in my body but I try to brush it off- push through the organ wrenching pain surging through my limbs and up my spine- this is going to be a long day.

"Good morning bunny." Mara says in her perky little New York accent.

"Mara can you stop calling me bunny?" I said as I grabbed the coffee pot and poured it into my mug. That's right- my mug! It is the perfect temperature for coffee, perfect size, perfect everything. It's mine too and I have made that very clear to the mothers of coffee themselves. The dark delight sloshed in my mug before I walked to the fridge and got my vanilla creamer. Once it was the perfect mocha brown and the beautiful swirls were gone I stepped into the living room with the steaming cup.