Breaking Slowly // h.s. au

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

*Elsie*

Songs-

Hey brother- Avicii

Just give me a reason- p!ink

The alarm I dread every morning blares through my room and shoots through my dreams. When I peel myself half way off the mattress and grab my phone from the nightstand to turn off the alarm everything settles in me like the synthetic snow in a snow globe and it's making me sick.

Today is going to be hell.

My finger nails dig into the mattress under me and I bite my lip so hard I think I'm drawing blood.

Today is going to be absolute god damn hell.

I swing my legs over the side of the bed and land them on the soft carpet. My knees feel weak when I stand and with every moment I waste in here is another moment until Harry is here to take me to a place that hates me.

I don't even know what to expect with Harry.

a.) I don't know what we are

b.) I have no idea how to find out without being a clingy bitch

c.) And on top of that he could be lying about the whole thing and just forget me to go be with his friends.

I am at a loss for words at my spiraling mind and I take a quick shower just to clear the layer of sweat that has settled on my anxiety filled body. The strange mixture of vanilla and shay butter that engulfs my bathroom is comforting in a way as I sit on the ground in my small shower. I'm not rich, I don't have a walk in. Sad, but I'll live.

I examine my wrist and the six cuts lacing it are starting to turn white after being a light pink for the past couple days. It seems so different. To be staring at my own marred skin and feel like this- this rush. This feeling like the pain I have in the world is seeping away through the slashes in my skin. I sometimes wonder if the reason people cut is to cut away the part of themselves they don't like, then that theory turns into people replacing one pain with another, finally I come to the conclusion that there is no one answer. A reason for why people harm themselves is completely made up of obscure theories, but that doesn't stop the beautiful rush of relief from swelling in someone as they cut away the pain, if only for a moment.

I climb out of the shower and wrap the towel tightly around myself. The mirror in front of my displays my marked skin. Harsh purple bruises cover my skin along with small cuts along my ribs.

My hair is pulled up into a pony tail. Like always. A towel dries the water droplets ranging over my skin and I pull a long sleeved black shirt over my head. The usual skinny jeans are rolled up my legs and I slip into my keds. I'm not the smallest girl in the world. Big feet, big hands, a little heavier than most, so when I look in the mirror and I see that I'm completely covered and packed in I smile in content.

I cover my bruises with foundation and don't bother to put on makeup. I don't want to look like a mess if things go bad today. I'm already planning the demise of my happiness. Amazing confidence Elsie.

My self-pity and sarcasm come to a halt as I hear a car horn. Shit. He didn't... did he?

I roll my eyes and smile at his cliché before running down stairs and catching my mom before she goes to check who it was.

"Mom!" I shout with a smile.

She gives me a look like I just fired a gun and I just run up to her and kiss her cheek.

"That's my ride." I conclude, quieter this time. Jen and Mara look at each other with shocked faces and I just ignore it and use my exit strategy, "Love you see you later." I call as I run out the door. I don't bother with breakfast.