Breaking Slowly // h.s. au

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

*Elsie*

Songs-

If it's Love- Train

You Found Me- The Fray

Who We Are- Imagine Dragons

Silence.

Nothing but silence.

Harry's eyes run over the words sprawled messily across the page and tears pool in his eyes. I don't know how many times he's read it but his eyes seem to be straining at the disgusting words written on the milky sheets. I try to steady my breathing but each breath I take just reminds me of what is happening before me.

"Else." Harry nearly whispers.

"Yeah?" I croak as I turn my head slowly so I'm looking at him.

"I- I'm." He takes deep breaths but his stuttering is incessant.

"It's okay." I say softly, "It's okay." I don't if I'm talking to him or myself anymore.

"I should have been there." He says as tears roll down his cheeks and he sits down in front of me. I crawl over to him and rest on my knees as I wrap my arms around him.

"Shhh... it's alright." He hugs me close to him.

"I should be comforting you." He coughs and moves his arms so I'm lying in his lap, "It isn't okay." He breathes out.

"I'll be okay." I smile lazily and let my eyes close.

"Elsie stay awake." He says shaking me slightly.

"Why?" I ask peeling my heavy eyes open.

"Because you might have a concussion." He says placing his hand on my burning cheek.

"I didn't hit my head." I say nuzzling into his warmth and closing my eyes. My neck aches even with Harry supporting my head.

"Please just stay awake." He whispers.

"Are you okay?" I ask softly, emphasizing the 'you'.

"I just don't want to lose you." He says pulling me closer.

"You're not gonna lose me." I say. That is a lie. One day, one way or another I will be gone. I never really thought about that. What will happen to Harry when I get out of this? I never think of how it will hurt him. Will it? With how he was acted... recently... maybe it would.

A million thoughts make their way through my seemingly thick scull and I feel more weight on me than ever before as Harry's green eyes stare into my blue ones.

Now that I think of what would happen if I was gone guilt washes through me. What would happen to Harry or Violet or Jen or Mara? When I'm gone what will they do?

I am caught in the grey area where one second I feel guilty for having to hurt them to be free. The next I'm feeling like a narcissist for thinking they would care at all. It's frustrating and confusing and vain. I will be gone one day. But why?

"Elsie?" Harry's voice breaks the silence.

"Yes?" I answer softly.

"Don't let them get to you." He says biting his lip.

"Harry they already did." I look away from his gaze and purse my lips.

"No. You're stronger than that." He places his hand on mine.