Breaking Slowly // h.s. au

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

*Elsie*

Songs-

Shark In The Water- VV Brown

Fix You- Coldplay

Cosmic Love- Florence and the Machine

Swaying in my shoes I make my way to the nearest gas station on foot. Just like Violet told me to. My head is clearer and my eyes aren't fogged but a headache has taken its place.

My beautiful high.

My perfectly crafted numbing agent is sinking into the ground under my feet and there's nothing I can do about it.

Once the bright lights of the station come into view my body is in writhing pain and I plan on taking something to medicinally numb me when I get home.

The bell of the door sounds and I step into the cold little room. Snaking down the aisles to grab a bottle of water and a pack of gum.

No one else is hear besides the woman behind the counter who's half asleep and the German Shepard she has laying half way out from behind the counter.

My shoes slapping against the linoleum is the only noise besides the fridges radioactive buzz. I pay for both the water and the gum and in doing so have to deal with a grumpy old woman behind the counter. She smells like stale cigarettes and moth balls.

"Cash or credit?" She asks in her hoarse voice, followed by a hideous cough.

"Cash." I say laying down the bills on the counter and zoning out as she hands me the receipt.

"Do you have a bathroom I can use?" I ask looking up at her. I can tell by her disgusted expression that I look as bad as I feel.

"Down there." She points down a small hallway half stacked with shipment crates and a small door on the opposing side.

"Thanks." The woman nods and I shuffle down the hall. I can hear the hacking cough radiating from the unpleasant woman's lungs.

I slide into the cramped bathroom and place my bag on the sink before taking out the foundation and brushing it under my eyes.

When I place it back in my bag I take a long look in the mirror. The girl I see isn't me. This girl's not living, she's trying to get by. The water is drained and the gum is helping with the smell but I don't know if walking down the street is going to air me out enough.

I shake my head and grab my bag before heading out into the late afternoon. It's still light out- to some extent and I know that since today's Friday my mom's won't be home for a while. Tonight's date night.

I walk down the street slowly and run my feet along the gravel.

I run over the same thoughts over and over and over again until they're sewn into my memory and I'm fighting to rip them away.

As soon as I see my street I pick up the pace until I'm at a run up to my front door and everything in me hurts like hell. My hands slam against the door as I reach its threshold.

I shove the key into the lock and push the door open before kicking off my shoes and running up the stairs.

I have to take a shower before Jen and Mara get home. If they smell weed on me I'm beyond dead. I might as well bury myself now.

I throw my bag on my bed before pulling various articles of clothing and leaving them in a trail up to the shower.

I feel like I'm forgetting something but the only thing blinding me is the smell of smoke and the ache in my bones.