Breaking Slowly // h.s. au

Chapter Twenty Two

Chapter Twenty Two

*Elsie*

Songs-

Luck- American Authors

Falling In Love at a Coffee Shop- Landon Pigg

Amnesia- Five Seconds of Summer

Oblivion- Bastille

My feet slap against the linoleum as I step towards the industrial elevator. The rusting metal and concrete closes around me until I'm alone with my thoughts.

I'm not mad. People say things all the time. He didn't mean it.

It hurt. But he didn't mean it. He didn't...did he?

I tap my foot absentmindedly as I wait on the curb. Counting the seconds and waiting for my insecurities and doubts to eat me alive.

I am saved only by the sound of tires along the asphalt as Ashton's black car comes into view. Relief floods me as the phantom feeling of a joint in my hand returns. Distraction. That's what I need.

Granted that's what I needed last night too when Harry was- um- kind enough to lend a hand.

And this morning- when I returned the favor...

But this is what I need. If I have enough distraction I can get passed the fact that I'm slowly dying at the hands of someone with an ego bigger than Parkston and a cocky redheaded side kick to sink her claws into me when he's done.

Distraction is ignorance.

Ignorance is bliss.

I'm just trying to get by.

Ashton rolls down the window and I see a flash of Violet's raven hair before two skinny arms are wrapped around me and I am taking large gasps of her intoxicating perfume.

"Jesus Mathers are you trying to choke me." I squeak as she lets me go and gives me a sympathetic look, "Why are you looking at me like that?" I rub my heel into the asphalt and watch as Ashton shuts off the car and walks around to throw his arm over Violet's slender shoulders.

"Are you okay?" Complete worry flashes through her eyes as she leans into Ashton, "When you called you sounded off."

"Yeah I'm fine- just need a little distraction." I say digging my heel further into the asphalt and scratching the back of my neck.

"I see..." She says biting her lip, "Look Elsie you should take it slow. Distraction is only that- distraction. Temporary relief that has major back lash." She pauses, "I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know Mathers." I sigh with a smile on my face.

"This is serious Elsie." She breaks from Ashton and puts both hands on my shoulders, "That house can kill someone just as much as it can help them."

"I get it." I nearly screech.

"Okay." She clears her throat and chokes back another speech, "Now get your ass in the car because I want a drink."

I open the door and slide into the back seat as Ashton and Violet get situated and the car is going sixty down the strip of road and I'm watching Harry's place disappear in the rear view mirror. I lean my head back against the seat as my wrist itches and my eyes roll back in longing for this moral head ache to disappear.

I tap my fingers against the seat and I try to count all of the good things I've done in my life and hardships that have been shoved at me so I can feel better about what I'm about to do. No matter how much I try I'm never enough. My parents always expect more even though they love me. Alex and Jane- I'm not human enough for them to stop apparently. And Harry- I'll never be enough for him. I know it I just don't know if he does.