Breaking Slowly // h.s. au

Chapter Twenty Eight

Chapter Twenty Eight

*Harry*

Songs-

Riptide- Vance Joy

From Afar- Vance Joy

The End- My Chemical Romance

I stand in the hallway, my heart pounding in my chest. Three months of sneaking glances. Three months of even more pretending to be... someone I'm not. Three months of watching Elsie suffer. Three fucking months of not having her in my arms. Three months of crying hopelessly and punching walls. Three months that I deserve.

I deserve every ounce of pain.

I know that.

I was awful and self-obsessed. I was everything I claim to despise. I drove her away with my ego. Every day after school I've been taking Jane home. I don't deserve Elsie- I'm not good for her. I miss her every moment of every day but I don't deserve her.

Every time I think about how it was only around a week and a half of having her in my arms I feel so hopeless that it makes me want to jump off a cliff with her. I want to fade away from the world with her hand in mine. But that's selfish and stupid to wish. She deserves more than me- more than I could muster out of my disgusting being.

Jane is a distraction. A pass time while I try not to think about Elsie. She's a good fuck but Elsie is much better. Well- I didn't actually fuck her but the stuff we did do was better than this shit with Jane. Like I said- she's a distraction.

I miss the feeling of Elsie in my arms. Her lips on mine. Her warmth against my chest. I miss her. But with each moment that passes where she isn't there makes me less hopeful that she ever will be.

I shouldn't even be hoping. I do not deserve Elsie Wrenn.

She's sweet and kind and loving and broken. And I'm the asshole who's just breaking her more.

Her voice knocks me from my thoughts.

"Are you okay...?" Her drawled out words and pacing tell me she's over thinking- yet again.

"That is what I asked...isn't it?" My voice is calmer than I feel but once my presence is known I instantly regret it.

She freezes. As if stunned from me standing here with her.

She turns to me and her face holds nothing but pain and anger all hidden behind a sheet of stunning beauty.

"Are you okay?" I step forward with worry sprawled across my face.

She steps back.

"F-fine." She squeaks. Her voice quiet as she backs herself against the wall as if I'm cornering her. This is the first time I've her voice directed towards me in three months. And it feels... forced and scared. It feels uncomfortable and yet all I want to do is yank her from the wall and kiss her.

"You sure?" I ask once again. Her eyes flash with an emotion I can't pin point.

"I'm fine." Her calm voice sends shivers down my spine as my insides are rolling under my skin.

So many things I want to say. I love you. I need you. I'm sorry. I fucked up. You deserve better but I can't stop thinking about you no matter how hard I try and every night when I remember falling asleep with you next to me I want to run to you and kiss every inch of you.