Breaking Slowly // h.s. au

Chapter Twenty Three

Chapter Twenty Three

*Elsie*

Songs-

Amnesia- 5sos

Oblivion- Bastille

To Build a Home- The Cinematic Orchestra

Through The Dark- One Direction

Within an hour of watching meaningless T.V. Harry is asleep with a loose grip on my hand and my eyes just won't close.

All I want is sleep. But I can't.

I'll have another nightmare or wake up and he'll be gone.

As tempting as sleep is I can't in this moment.

I am completely numb- but not the kind I was looking for. It's almost like I'm paralyzed, I can't move, I can't speak- but I can still hear the voices in my head telling me I'm worthless and I can still feel the weight of this horrible disease of a life pressing down on me.

The only noise in the room is the hum of the T.V. and my breathing. My eyes are plastered open and they feel like they're going to crack.

I feel rustling behind me and Harry's hand squeezes mine tighter before I finally turn around. His eyes slowly peel open- his long dark eyelashes sticking together.

"Hey." He says as a lazy smile plays on his pink lips. It physically pains me to see this beautiful boy in front of me. He's just so perfect- and I'm me.

"H-Hi." I stutter licking my dry lips.

"What time is it?" He asks, his brow knotting together.

"Um-," I shift for the first time in hours but my muscles are completely numb. I check the clock on my phone and see a bright 11:57 splayed across the screen, "Nearly tomorrow."

"Have you slept at all?" Harry asks from his comfortable position on the couch.

"Not really but I'm fine." I dismiss giving him a reassuring smile. His soft sigh mixes with the T.V. and within seconds it goes off and Harry has a lazy grip on the remote.

"Come to bed." He says sliding his legs over the side of the couch and standing with various pops from his joints. He pulls me off the ground and leads me to his bedroom.

I feel the ache in my head return with the movement. My eyes are probably bloodshot from silent tears and intoxication. My hair is probably a mess from not caring enough to fix it. I hate that I'm such a mess.

"Here." Harry pulls back the covers and motions for me to get in.

I slowly amble to the edge of the bed and slip in- carefully stuff my arm under the covers so Harry doesn't see it. It burns with no mercy.

My head rests against the pillow and the bed sinks beside me- telling me Harry is next to me. Two strong arms wrap around me and his face nuzzles into my neck. His hands roam around my sides until they're drawing absentminded circles on my stomach. I hate my stomach, my thighs, my ass- everything- I hate everything.

"You're so beautiful Else." Harry mumbles against my skin.

"Go to sleep Harry." I sigh.

"No I want to be here with you." He nearly whines tightening his already painful grip on me- both figuratively and actually.

"Shhh." I coo placing my hand over his. His body relaxes behind me.

"I don't deserve you." His soft words make me freeze. If anything I don't deserve him.