Niall's POV
“I really like him, I mean he is a nice guy, it's just that I, you know, like someone else infinitely more.” The words replayed over and over in my head the whole car ride home. I know I shouldn't have been listening, but I just couldn't help it. I had to know what she had thought of me and if she was going to tell anyone, it would be Zayn, right? So I had snuck a little bit closer to them to listen. I didn't catch their whole conversation, but I did hear the part that really mattered. She liked someone more than me. Infinitely more. What the hell did that even mean? And why was I never good enough for a girl like her?
I pulled in to the parking lot of our building to find Zayn standing by my usual spot smoking a cigarette. He was obviously waiting for me to get home.
“Hey Nialler. Did you have fun?” He asked me with a smirk.
“Yeah. It was a great time.” I responded. I really didn't want to talk about Stella and I didn't want to tell him I had overheard them because I knew he would probably tell her.
“Did you kiss her, mate?” I had expected this question. The truth is, even after what she said, I really really wanted to. That was the real reason I walked her to her door. But as I looked down into her eyes, her words echoed through my brain. So I stopped myself.
“No and I really don't want to talk about this right now. I'm gonna go take a shower.” I snapped before walking inside and heading towards the lift. Once I was in my flat, I quickly locked the door, afraid that Zayn would try to follow me in and talk to me. The flat was quiet, Liam having moved out a few weeks ago to live with Danielle. I was so happy for them and it was great to have the place to myself, but I couldn't help but wish that he was hear on nights like these. Nights I felt insecure. He and Harry were the only people who really knew how insecure I could be, Liam because he was my best friend, and Harry because he caught me cutting once. He absolutely freaked out and begged me to go see a shrink but I refused. I promised him I would stop, which was easier said then done. He also made me promise to call him whenever I had the urge to do it. An urge that I had at that moment. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, having charged it on the way home enough to make the call.
“Hey Nialler.” He answered after two rings, sounding a little breathless. What the hell was he doing?
“Hey Haz I really need you right now. Can you come over?” I asked nervously.
“Is everything OK?” he asked. I could hear the concern in his voice.
“Haz.....” I didn't want to say it out loud. I hated saying the words. It made me feel weak.
“I'll be there as soon as possible. I'm leaving Josh's right now.” He said and then hung up. Josh lived far enough away that I figured I’d have time for a shower, and I knew that if Harry showed up while I was still in there he could let himself in. The night he caught me, he had insisted on having a key to my flat and I gladly obliged. It felt good knowing someone cared about me that much, even if it was just Harry. I padded across the living room into my large bathroom, stripping down quickly and turning on the water as hot as it could go. Once I got the temperature to right where I wanted it, I slipped inside, letting the soft water droplets cascade down my tense back. My thought immediately went to Stella. What was she doing right now? Was she thinking of me? Or was she thinking of this other guy, probably this Conner guy.
Harry showed up right as I was pulling on my sweatpants. He let himself in and walked quickly into my room, sitting down on the edge of my bed. He didn't say anything, waiting for me to tell him what I was feeling.
“Haz I don't think she really likes me all that much.” I sighed, sitting down beside him.
“Really, cause from where I was sitting, it seemed like she was pretty in to you. She couldn't take her eyes off of you the whole night.” He laughed. I shook my head.
