Ring, Rage and Jax.

Chapter 13- The one with Mom.

[ C A R A 'S  P O V  ]

Dad always told me that I was a strong girl both physically and mentally even when I cried almost every night. Mom was my anchor, Bianca was what kept me sane. My birth mother had absolute control over my insane mind. Even when I came back from classes bruised or when I got into the principal's office for beating someone up, mom always believed in me.

Mom always kept all of it a secret because she knew dad would react to it differently. Even when mom got called to the office a lot and Delivigne barely caused any trouble for her, mom never yelled at me. She knew I only got dragged into the fight because I was on the right side. She always believed me. She never doubted whatever came out of my mouth.

So I never lied to her. Even if I was in the wrong, I'd tell her because she trusted me. She believed me. I would never do anything to hurt her intentionally. Delivigne was a smart kid when mom was around, she never got into fights, had a good friend circle, was very saint like and I was everything but.

I tried hard to pass all of my papers, I got into a lot of fights unintentionally, I wasn't a parents favourite kind of girl, I had no friends until Reggie and Nancy decided to give me a chance and I was no saint. But mom never picked favourites. Mom always told me that she would never tell dad about what was going on with me but dad got a call from the school and that ended everything. 

Dad picked favourites and it was Delivigne. Mom never picked favourites but Del was jealous of the treatment I was getting for being a rebel. Mom told me she believed in me and she had a strong good feeling that I'd change for the better.

When mom passed away, all of us broke. All of us rusted and got dusty on the shelves. No one to heal us, no one to pick us up. Mom was our glue. It wasn't a secret to anyone. She held our family together.

Dad fell in love with mom in college and they were inseparable. Mom told Del and I that I was a lot like dad when he was in college. Mom changed dad from the broken man he once was. We thought mom was lying only because dad was a perfectionist after mom stepped into his life. Mom was Papa's glue. Dad was incomplete without her and when mom passed, Dad fell hard. I heard him sob every night like I used to, Dad stopped going for work, Dad stopped eating, Dad got angry all the time. Dad became his college self again when mom was gone.

Mom kept us together as well. Delivigne broke too, she stopped eating, stopped scoring perfect, she came late everyday, she stopped hanging out with her perfect friends, she stopped being saint like. Del and I would cry together some days and the other days, I was just numb.

I stopped going to school on most days, I didn't care enough about anything, I stopped eating, I had made too many people bleed if they brought mom up even on accident, I got into trouble with the teachers when they treated me more like the child who lost her mother.

Mom always healed us but this time, she broke us. Her beautiful long hair and her silky hair would look beautiful in the wind, her eyes twinkled almost all the time and mom wasn't perfect but she was so damn close to it, there are crinkles in the side of her eyes everytime she laughs, she would snort in between laughs and never try to hide it, she had skin so smooth and beautiful and pure, she was beautiful and looked young almost every single time.

Her wrinkles would only show when she was angry or sad or stressed, I had seen them. I had caused them but I tried my best not to and she knew. She knew I was trying and never treated me like trash.

"When you fight, remember to fight for yourself and what you believe and what you care for and not because everyone else is fighting for it. Be true to yourself, baby and know that I will always be proud of you no matter what." She'd say that a lot when she was stroking both of her heads to make us fall asleep.

When mom passed away, I made graffiti out of her words in our room. Del didn't complain for the first time and she helped me. Del and I held each other tightly and cried after that.

When mom passed away, Del and I stuck pictures of her all over the room so we wouldn't forget her or anything.

When mom passed away; Papa, Del and I would watch old videos of mom while silently crying.

When mom passed away; the colours in the house disappeared and the walls lost colour, our clothes lost colour, our skin lost colour, everything- everything lost colour.

When mom passed away, words were used to a limited. We never conversed in the house because we wanted to hear mom's cheerful voice cut into the silence. We always waited but it never happened. 

When mom passed away, all of us caused chaos to see if mom would come to scold all of us or would come to join in but she never did.

When mom passed away, Dad stopped  coming home in the nights because he couldn't sleep without mom in between his arms.

When mom passed away, Delivigne changed from the loving responsible sister she was because she didn't have mom to impress or make mom proud.

When mom passed away, I slipped into a never ending fall of nothing. I slipped from the realities of life.

When mom passed away, it became bad and nothing went right.

When mom passed away, our relatives stopped talking us and Papa stopped bothering with his friends.

When mom passed away, Del was always with Dennis instead of me.

When mom passed away, I felt the most alone. She was my anchor, who was to keep me rooted now?

When mom passed away, Del distanced herself so much, so fast that I didn't notice because I was busy falling.

When mom passed away, Dad stopped staying at home and left for work and was always at work and he barely came home.

When mom passed away, I stayed at home in the never ending loop of videos and pictures and in the room, sobbing and praying for mom to come back.

When mom passed away, Dad brought another lady back home and he expected the world to be colourful again but it wasn't. 

When mom passed away, Del ran away the next day dad brought the new women to our life.

When mom passed away, I was alone and I locked myself in the room and would bleed and break and cry and sob to feel anything but most days I was welcome to the same feeling.

When mom passed away, Dad took me for therapy and I was declared clinically depressed.

When mom passed away, I lost happiness and meaning.

When mom passed away, Dad started trying to piece himself back together.

When mom passed away, Del and I changed roles and started to live illusions.

When mom passed away, she took a part of us with her and she drifted far
away.

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Authors note; this chapter is slightly sad. I hope you guys liked it. Vote, comment and let me know. Much love. Xx