Hope and Faith

FIVE: FAITH

It was the first of July – Canada Day – and only the third day of being in Meadow. Faith felt a patriotic obligation to celebrate her country in some way or another as she did every year in the past, but today, she simply wasn't up to it.

It was Saturday, which meant that Sebastian wasn't working and could come up and visit her. It had only been three days, but Faith was missing her other half quite relentlessly. It was the little things she took for granted that she missed the most. The way his hand would naturally rest on hers as though it were nothing, effortlessly. How they'd talk over each other and finish one another's thoughts and sentences. Simply feeling his presence, breathing in the same air, was what Faith was longing for. She needed Sebastian.

Her mother was on the main floor, unloading boxes into the kitchen and beginning the initial stages of setting up her home-office. It would be odd having her mother work from home. She had done it in the past from time to time, but now it would be permanent. Her mother would be around twenty-four-seven. Always there. Always having something to say. Faith couldn't stand the thought.

She headed down the spiral staircase and into the kitchen, passing the overflowing boxes on her way in, going straight for the cupboards.
"You could help me out, you know," Claudia said as she peeled the bubble-wrap off her ceramic bowls.
Faith peered into the cupboard, not making eye contact. "This move was unsolicited on my part, so I feel no obligation to abide in this transition in any way."
Her mother stared at her. "You're a real piece of work."
Faith rolled her eyes. "Where's all the food?"
For the past two days they'd eaten take-out and finished the food that Claudia packed in the cooler. Faith had never even bothered to look in the cupboards until that moment.
"There is no food," Claudia said. "I haven't been able to go to the grocery store yet. Been a little busy."
Faith sighed and turned around. "I'm going out. Where are the keys?"
Claudia stopped unwrapping. "What makes you think you can take the car?"
"I always take the car?"
"Yeah, well," Claudia said, attempting to play the role of the strict mother. "Not today."
"Pardon me?"
"Don't give me that attitude, Faith. You honestly think you can behave this way, treat me this poorly, and still take my vehicle?"
Faith stared at her, waiting for an answer.
"The answer is no, Faith. You can't."
"How will I eat? How will I live?"
"You can try doing what other people do and use your legs."
"You want me to walk?"
"It will be good for you. Get some exercise."
"This is ridiculous."
"I know you're not happy about the move," Claudia placed the bowl that was in her hands on the counter and walked towards her daughter.
"It's not the move that bothers me," Faith said. "It's you and dad. Thinking you can just do whatever you want without considering the consequences it has on others."
"That's not fair. You know how difficult it was for your father and I. You know what we went through –"
"Save it, mom. I'm going out." Faith turned on her heels and existed the room, leaving her mother standing there, gaping.

______

She wandered into town. Meadow was a miniscule and irrelevant place and Faith couldn't wrap her head around the fact that she was now a permanent resident here.

She walked around, found a diner called Frenchie's, and ate lunch. On her way home, she took an alternate route and ended up by the lake. She stood there for a moment, mesmerized by the simplicity of it all. The blue horizon that seemed to stretch on forever, the sun glimmering off the water. Then she shook out her thoughts and went home with one objective in mind.

She called three times. Each time there was no answer. She didn't understand her logic or reasoning: maybe if I call once more, he will be there! But for some reason, out of luck or pure coincidence, on the last time that she called, he answered.

"Where were you?" she spoke into the phone, twirling herself around the cord.
"Sorry, I just got in. Brother's baseball tournament, remember?"
"That was today?"
"Yes."
"Shouldn't they like, have today off or something? Is Canada Day a statutory holiday?"
"I don't know."
"What time are you leaving?" Faith asked.
It was quiet for a moment.
"Sebastian."
"About that..."
"Are you kidding me?" she said. "What is it now?"
"I don't have the car anymore. My mom needs it."
"So? Take the bus?"
"There is no bus."
"What do you mean? Of course there's a bus. There's always a bus."
"Not to fucking Meadow."
"Oh, sorry I live in the middle of fucking nowhere."
"Faith."
It was silent.
"I'm sorry," Sebastian said. "I tried. I really did. But I'll come up tomorrow, okay? What's one day difference?"
"Um, a lot."
"How so?"
"Tonight's Canada Day."
"Yes, I think we've established that."
"There's fireworks! And my mom wants us to go."
"Oh. You were planning on actually leaving the house?"
"Shut up. Now I guess I'm doing nothing."
"Aw, babe," he said. "You can go without me."
"I don't want to."
"Stop being a lame-ass and go out. Explore the new town. Meet some people."
"Ugh," Faith made a barfing sound. "You sound just like my mother."
"Tell Claudia I said hello. And Mike. Okay? I'll see you tomorrow."
"I'm not happy," Faith said.
"When are you ever?" he laughed. "Love you."
"Whatever. Bye." She slammed the phone down onto the receiver and let out a deep breath. Now what was she going to do?

Perhaps Mike would accompany her.

_____

"Absolutely not," Mike said as she leaned against his closet door. Mike was busy painting another coat on a piece of wood. He was building something. What that was exactly, Faith wasn't sure.
"Please. I have no friends."
"I'm aware."
"So I need someone to come with me."
He broke from his concentration and looked at her. "Ask mom to go with you. I'm busy."
"You're going to be doing that all night?"
"Yes."
"What are you making?" Faith took a step towards him to observe.
"A desk."
"Okay, well, the desk can wait."
"No," he looked at her. "Fuck off and ask someone else."
"Uggghhhh!" she let out an unhuman, animalistic noise. "Fuck you!!"

She went back to her bedroom and slammed the door. She could hear her mother yell something from down the stairs, but she didn't care. She was angry. And she had every right to be! This was absolute bullshit. Whose stupid idea was it to go out anyways? Oh, right – her mother's. Well, fuck that. She didn't need to go out and watch fireworks. She would stay home and do whatever she wanted.

She reached into the back of her closet and pulled out her papers. She didn't want to start smoking in the new house for a little while, perhaps give it some time. But desperate times called for desperate measures.

After taking a few hits from her joint, she sat back and felt her head lull. She was feeling better already. The static and the noise was gone. She could think clearly. And once she could think, she could devise a better plan of action.

She overreacted, she could see that now. What was wrong with her? She was always so temperamental and angry. Always slamming doors and balling fists.

She took in a deep breath and made a decision, calm and composed, like a normal human being. She would get high, pack some liquor, and head off to Cedar Park tonight – by herself. The intoxication would make it worth her while. And who knows, the fireworks might actually be pretty.

She was doing it. She was really doing it. Who needed Sebastian or her brother? She could go have fun all by herself.

Her mother would be proud.