Hope and Faith

FIFTY-NINE: FAITH

Everything from those past two days were a blur to Faith. Dreaming of eggs, puking in the toilet, taking the pregnancy test and seeing the double pink lines. Letting the news sink in, not knowing who to talk to, calling Hope, telling Hope.

In all honesty, Faith should have seen that coming. Not the pregnancy – Hope's reaction. What was Faith thinking, telling Hope that she was going to abort it? Obviously that was a recipe for disaster. But Faith wasn't thinking about that at the time. She wasn't thinking about Hope or Hope's feelings. She was thinking about herself. She was thinking about the embryo attempting to grow in her stomach, and how she would fix this problem. Hope's religious views and beliefs didn't seem relevant at the time. But Faith could now understand why there was conflict.

She didn't blame Hope, per se, but she was still angry with her. And she had every right to be. This was a scary decision. Probably the scariest decision that she ever had to make in her life. All she wanted was someone to talk to, someone to be there for her. But instead, she got criticized, called selfish and a murderer.

It didn't help that Hope's mother had two miscarriages before Hope was born; that only seemed to fuel the fire. Hope was such a kind, caring person. Faith knew this. She was only trying to do the right thing, do what she believed was right. But that was the problem. Hope and Faith had two very conflicting beliefs regarding what was right.

Hope and Faith would never see eye to eye on anything. How could Faith have been so stupid, fooling herself into believing otherwise? She could try to pretend, try to accept Hope for who she was. And Hope would pretend too. She would pretend that religion wasn't this huge, obvious divide between them. And they could both try to ignore it and act as if it wasn't there. But that would be as foolish as trying to deny that the sky was blue.

The truth of the matter was, Hope was a daughter of God, and Faith was an atheist with a grudge. To believe that the two could ever cohabitate in harmony was just preposterous.

It broke Faith's heart because she loved Hope. She truly did. She was an angel with a heart of gold who would never intentionally hurt anybody. She had the kindest soul and the best intentions, and she made Faith feel alive. But Faith wasn't sure if they could ever truly work together.

It was ironic, Faith thought, that in the end, it wasn't their hidden sexualities or deluding their parents that caused a break between the two of them. It was their fucking faith.

______

She was supposed to go to her father's that weekend, but there was no way she could go now. Not with everything going on. She needed to find a hospital nearby that did abortions and she needed to go as soon as possible.

Faith called her father on Saturday morning and told him she had come down with the flu and wouldn't be able to make it anymore. He sounded disappointed, but she promised him that she'd try to come up either the following weekend, or the one after that.

She sighed as she hung up the phone and tried to plan her next course of action. She grabbed the thick phone-book that sat in their kitchen and began flipping through the pages, looking for hospitals and clinics that she could call and inquire to. Meadow itself didn't even have a hospital, so she widened her range, finding places in the neighboring towns.

After calling at least six different hospitals, she got through to Newmarket General, to which after hesitantly asking the loaded question, the receptionist responded, yes, they did perform abortions. But only after consulting with the doctor and ensuring that she knew every risk and consequence of having the procedure. Faith agreed and booked the appointment for Monday morning.

Now all she had to do until then was wait.