Hope and Faith

SIXTY-THREE: FAITH

Her hands were cold as ice. It often happened when she got nervous. Cold hands and a dry mouth. Faith sat in the chair facing the nurse and the doctor as they spoke. She was holding her left hand in her right, trying to stop it from shaking.

"Are you alright?" the doctor asked her.
Faith only nodded.

First, they went over any risks and possible complications. This included infection of the womb, some of the pregnancy remaining in the womb, excessive bleeding, as well as damage to the womb.

"This is very rare," the nurse said regarding the last risk. "Damage to the womb only occurs in one in every two-hundred-and-fifty to one-thousand surgical abortions."

They went over the mental health effects of having an abortion, and asked Faith to go over the reasons why she wanted one.

"I'm only sixteen," she said. "I'm not ready to have a baby. To be a mother."
"But you believed you were old enough to have sex?" the doctor said. It was condescending and ignorant, but Faith tried to hold her tongue and ignore it.
"Yes," she said. "Sex is fine, as long as you're doing it with the person you love and are using protection. Unfortunately, that didn't work out too well for us."
"And you're not on any form of birth control?" the nurse asked.
"No. We just used condoms."
"Does the father know about your appointment today?"
Faith didn't hesitate. "Yes. He's fine with it."
"Okay," the nurse said, jotting something down. "We just have to make sure you understand the severity of this situation. If you believe that you are sure, and understand all of the risks, we can proceed with the procedure."
"Okay."
"And finally," the nurse said. "Would you like to speak with a counsellor afterwards?"
Faith thought about this for a moment. "No."

They took her into the room where they would perform the procedure. Faith had the option of staying awake, or being put under general anesthesia, and so for obvious reasons, she chose the latter. She didn't want to remember a thing about it.

They told her that if she was put under, she wouldn't be able to drive afterwards. Faith nodded and felt thankful for the first time that Hope had come. She could drive her home.

Before the procedure, they did an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy. The doctor asked Faith if she wanted to know how far along she was. She said no.

After that, they prepared for the procedure. The mask went over Faith's nose and mouth. They asked her to count down from ten.

She got to seven.

_______

The remainder of the day was a bit of a blur to Faith. She remembered gaining consciousness, seeing the doctor and the nurse. They spoke to her, went over more things, made sure that she was okay to leave.

They told her that she should take it easy for the rest of the day as she may experience some bleeding, and to call the hospital if she experienced any other systems that were not normal.

When she walked into the waiting room and saw Hope, she didn't say a word. Just simply handed her the car keys and walked to the parking lot in silence. Hope helped Faith into the passenger seat, stared at her for a moment, then closed the door and got into the driver's side.

"Are you alright?" Hope said quietly before she started the car, hands gripped on the steering wheel.
"No. Yes. I don't know."
Hope stared at her. "Did you make the right decision?"
Faith didn't make eye contact. "Yes."

Thirty minutes of driving in silence. It was painfully awkward and all Faith wanted was to feel safe and comfortable after having such a life-altering experience. She wanted to turn to Hope and see her smile. Wanted to talk about nothing and laugh about everything. But Faith knew that wasn't going to happen. Because something had changed between them, and that much was obvious.

It scared Faith greatly because Hope had become someone that she could count on, rely on. Someone to talk to and tell all of her problems and secrets to. But this was one secret that had come between them. And Faith didn't know if things would ever be the same again.