Hope and Faith

FORTY-FOUR: HOPE

Hope was learning that even when everything seemed alright, sometimes everything was far from alright. It was difficult, learning the trickery of this allusion. Watching for key moments or signs that would indicate whether something was the amiss or not. It became a game to her: watching, observing, analyzing.

Hope knew that Faith wasn't normal; that much had been apparent from their initial meeting. But the more that she got to know Faith, the more she realized the great severity of the situation. Faith was a melancholy person. She had a growing darkness inside of her that no one could eradicate. For the first time in her life, Hope was at a standstill. She knew that there was nothing she could do for Faith, no way to help her. Nothing at all. And that took a lot to come to terms with. The idea frightened her because that was Hope's second nature, helping people. All she did was help others and put them before herself. So when faced with a situation such as the one of Faith Everett, Hope didn't know what to do.

It kept her up at night, the thought of Faith's pain and suffering. And the worst part of all was that Hope could never be sure when Faith was happy and when she was sad. Because when Faith was around Hope, she'd put on a mask. She'd act happy even if she wasn't. Perhaps she truly was happy when they were together. Maybe Hope had the ability to turn her grey skies to pink. But not all the time. And that's what was bothering her.

Hope had this strong urge to fix Faith. She knew that Faith wasn't broken, yet still, the word fix was what came to her mind. She wanted to remedy her problems, alleviate her pain. She wanted to patch her up, give her a kiss, and ensure she was happy and smiling. But it wasn't that simple. Faith's problems could not be fixed with a Band-Aid or a lollipop. They were so internal and integrated deep inside of her mind that not even the most experienced doctors could fix her.

So what to do? The question nagged at Hope as she tried to sleep at night. She tossed and turned, threw off the covers, turned over her pillow. This is how Faith must feel, Hope thought, knowing that Faith was plagued with insomnia and an overactive mind. How did she ever truly rest? How did she ever just turn it all off? The noises, the sounds, the thoughts. It must be torturous for her. And yet still, the conclusion was the same: there was nothing Hope could do.

"Is Sebastian still coming up this weekend?" Hope said to Faith. It was Friday afternoon and they were sitting down by the lake, eating their ice-cream cones.
"Yeah, tomorrow morning."
Hope licked the cone to where the vanilla ice-cream was beginning to drip down the side. "There's a party tomorrow night," she said. "Luke Hargrove's."
"You say that like I know who that is."
Hope laughed. "He's this guy. Good friends with my friends."
"Those girls?"
"Yes."
"What are their names again?"
"Corral, Lorelei, Daisy, and Peyton,"
"Right," Faith said, biting into her cone. "So, you're going to this party?"
"Yes, I'm going with Matthew," Hope said. "You and Sebastian should come."
"What kind of party is it? Like a fun party, or a church party?"
Hope gave her a look. "It's not a church party, so don't get your panties in a bunch."
"So it's an actual party."
"Yes."
"Will there be alcohol?"
"Probably."
"Wow," Faith leaned back and smiled widely at Hope. "You're going to an actual party with actual alcohol?"
"I've been to parties before. I don't know what kind of girl you think I am."
"Uh, the Holy Mother of Jesus Christ."
"Stop."
Faith laughed. "Isn't underage drinking like, a sin?"
"I don't drink. I can still enjoy a party without alcohol."
"Wow, that takes a lot."
"I don't rely on alcohol for fun."
"Neither do I. It's just a great benefit."
"Well then, tomorrow should be perfect for you," Hope said. "Will you come?"
"Sure. I'll mention it to Seb. I'm sure he'll be down."
"Awesome."
"Awesome."
They finished their ice-cream and put the napkins in the bin beside them. Hope took a sip from her water bottle and Faith stared out towards the water.
"What else do you do around here for fun?" Faith asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Like, for fun. What do people in this town even do?"
"Well, we go to church," Hope winked. Faith rolled her eyes. "I don't know, everyone does different things. Sometimes there's parties. People go to cottages, fish, swim in the lake, have barbeques, hang out with friends and family."
"That sounds extremely boring,"
"Well what do you do for fun?"
Faith thought for a moment. "Point made. Anyways, that all sounds great and all, but that's summer stuff. What the hell do people do here in the winter?"
"Not much actually. It's far too cold. Everyone just stays indoors. Kids go to school, adults work. That's about it."
"Now that's even more boring."
"Yeah, well that's life. It gets boring sometimes."
"Ugh," Faith leaned back on her elbows and sighed loudly. "I want more out of life than that."
"What did you have in mind?"
"I don't know," Faith said. "I just don't want to be stuck in this small town for the rest of my life, being bored and doing nothing. I want to see the world. Leave my mark. Do something productive."
"Then do that."
Faith turned to her. "Okay. I will."
"It's not that difficult. You just... go out and do it, right?"
"Yeah," Faith said, nodding. "You're right."
It was quiet again. Faith was picking at the grass and throwing it to the side.
"I can't believe I'm turning seventeen on Monday," Hope said.
"Oh my God," Faith turned to her. "I completely forgot."
Hope laughed. "That's okay."
"August eighth," Faith said. "I should have remembered that."
"It's just crazy, right? How fast the time seems to fly by."
"It's true. The older we get, the faster time goes by. Remember being a little kid, thinking that a day was the longest thing ever?"
"Yeah. And being in primary school, thinking that two month summer break was such a long time."
"Yeah, I used to think that too. That summer was infinite. And now, it's gone by so fast."
"It's weird. Is it time that changes, or simply our perceptions?"
"Well, our perceptions, obviously. Time is nothing but a social construct."
"What do you mean?"
"Time doesn't exist, Hope. It's something that humans created to measure our lives with."
"But time is important. We need it to organize our lives."
"Maybe. Maybe not. Animals don't count time. Nature doesn't have time. And yet, the world still turns. Life still goes on."
"Interesting."
"Mhm," Faith nodded. "If you had the ability to live forever, would you?"
"I don't know. That's a tough question."
"Not really. It's pretty straight forward."
"But like, would everyone live forever? Or just me? And at what age would I live for eternity at?"
"Whatever age you want."
"Okay, so you're saying I could just choose to stop aging now and live the rest of eternity as a seventeen year old girl?"
"You're sixteen. But yes."
"Okay. Then... no. I wouldn't."
Faith seemed utterly surprised by that answer. "Why not?"
"Because I'd be standing still through time, remaining sixteen forever, and the rest of the people I love would grow old and eventually die. And then I'd be alone."
"Oh. But everyone experiences loss. Doesn't mean you shouldn't live forever."
"Well, I wouldn't want to. It would be too lonely."
"Hmm," Faith said. "Well, I would."
"You'd live forever?"
"Yeah. Think about how rad that would be."
"I guess."
"Fuck the rest of society, I'd do me. Live my own life. Do everything I ever wanted."
"But then what? When you run out of things to do? Wouldn't you get bored?"
"No. Boredom is for mortals. If I could live forever, there would be endless possibilities of what I could achieve. It would be amazing."
Hope smiled. "I'm glad you think that way."
Faith looked at her and returned the smile. "Me too."