Hope and Faith

FORTY: HOPE

It was Tuesday afternoon and camp had just finished for the day. Hope was heading home to get ready because Matthew was taking her out for dinner. But when she arrived at her house, she knew there was an issue that needed to be addressed first.

There, sitting on her front steps, was Faith. Hope could immediately tell that something was wrong, just by her body language.

Faith looked up and spotted Hope, who had frozen in her tracks. They stared at each other for a moment, and then Hope proceeded walking forwards, taking a seat next to Faith.

"What's wrong?" Hope asked, looking at her.
"It's my mom," Faith said after a moment. "She's seeing someone."
"What do you mean?"
"Like, dating someone, I guess."
Hope wasn't sure how to respond, so she remained quiet, knowing that Faith would eventually fill the silence, saying everything she needed to say.
"I can't believe her," Faith began. "They've only been separated for two months. Living here one month. And now she's already moved on and found someone new? What's the matter with her?"
"She has a right to move on, Faith. A right to be happy."
Faith shot her a glare. "No. No, she does not."
Hope sighed. "I don't know what to tell you."
"Don't tell me anything," Faith said. "I didn't come here for answers. I came here because I needed to talk. And I knew you'd listen."
"Continue then."
Faith was quiet for a moment, thinking. "It feels like a betrayal. Not only to my father, but to me. Like she's trying to replace us somehow. She can't do that. Our family was fine before. Okay, maybe not fine. But still." She paused again. "What is she even doing dating at her age? She's like, forty-five. And who is this mystery man anyways? We'll need to find out."
"Okay."
"And she'll stop seeing him. This can't continue."
"But Faith –"
"Don't say anything."
"Okay."
Faith sighed. "Why is my life always going to shit?"
"It's not. Your life is fine."
"It's always one thing after another. Just as I surpass one problem, another one arises."
"It's probably nothing serious," Hope suggested. "Maybe she just wanted to go on a few dates."
"Oh, it's serious enough that she felt the need to tell me."
"And what did you say?"
"I freaked out. Yelled at her, then left."
"When was this?"
"Last night."
"Have you talked to her since?"
"No."
"Maybe you could talk with her tonight. I think you should sit down with her and tell her how you feel. It's best to have an open line of communication, especially if this is bothering you so much."
"You sound like a therapist."
"I'm just trying to help."
It was quiet again and both of them sat there in silence.
Finally, Faith spoke, changing the subject. "How has camp been without me?"
"Pretty lame," Hope admitted. "I miss you."
"Shucks. I know, I'm quite the catch." She put her hand on top of Hope's. Hope let it linger for a moment, then quickly pulled away and looked around.
"No one's here," Faith said.
"I know, but...we can never be too careful."
Faith rolled her eyes sat up straight. "How's Matthew?"
"Good. We're going out for dinner tonight."
"Yeah? That will be fun."
Hope nodded. "And Sebastian?"
"He's good. He was over yesterday."
"What did you guys do?"
"Stuff."
"I see."
Silence again.
"Well," Faith said as she stood. "I don't want to keep you. You have important matters to tend to."
Hope stood as well, mirroring Faith. "When can I see you again?"
"Whenever you want."
"Come over later?"
"What time will you be back?"
"I don't know. Maybe seven?"
"Okay."
"We could watch a film or something."
"Sure."
"Just come around seven-thirty. I should be home by then."
"Okay."
"So, I'll see you then," Hope swayed back and forth, fiddling with her hands like she didn't know what to do with them.
"Yeah," Faith said turning around. "See you then."

_____

Dinner was pleasant, as always. Matthew talked about his day and complimented Hope on her outfit. Hope smiled and nodded as he spoke, listening to the words but not quite caring all that much. It was strange for her to act this way, especially given the fact that she absolutely adored Matthew. But her mind was distracted. She was thinking about other things.

Jealousy. It was an emotion that Hope wasn't familiar with. She never envied people or felt the need to be jealous. She truly and honestly believed from the bottom of her heart that everyone deserved love and happiness. Why would she ever envy someone when her life was perfectly fine as it was?

But it turned out that there were more things to envy than Hope initially imagined. Like Sebastian, for instance. And his relationship with Faith. It was trivial for Hope to feel jealous of them. They had a serious relationship. And besides, Hope herself was in a committed relationship. One that would prosper into marriage and would only end eighty years down the line when one of them, probably Matthew, passed first. That was how it had always been. So why the sudden change?

Well, ever since her life had been tipped upside-down and she was forced to re-evaluate everything she thought she once knew about herself, she figured the emotion called envy must have suddenly been thrown into the mix.

The rush in her chest, the spinning in her head. How she knew that Faith was hanging out with Sebastian. Kissing him, loving him, all while they were simultaneously developing feelings for each other. Was Faith right before when she said she was cheating? Did that mean that Hope, too, was cheating on Matthew?

Even if you have the slightest feelings for someone else, Faith had said, then it's cheating. It was being unfaithful to the one you're with. And something else Faith had said. Do I truly love Sebastian as much as I think I do? Because if I did, I wouldn't have developed feelings for you.