Hope and Faith

FIFTY-FIVE: FAITH

After Hope's realization about Matthew and their future together, Faith felt a shift between them. As though a veil had been dropped and they were able to express their feelings and emotions in a way that they had always wanted to. For the first time, this thing that she had with Hope felt real.

Everything came so easily between them. They could talk about anything, say what was on their minds. When the veil came down, the boundaries of religion did as well. In the past, Faith felt as though she were walking on egg shells around Hope. Always unsure if she was saying the right thing or not, afraid to offend her with her lack of religious belief. But after that night, Hope was more accepting and willing to listen to what Faith had to say. Faith believed that Hope was beginning to see the flaws in her own religion, which could not have been easy for her. Growing up your entire life thinking a certain way, and then suddenly having to question it all. That was exactly what Hope was doing. Questioning everything.

It pained Faith to know that Hope was emotionally conflicted. That her heart was divided in two. It was as though she were standing at a fork in the road, unsure of which path to follow, unsure of which person would give her the life that she always dreamed of. Faith knew that she couldn't provide Hope with what she wanted. She couldn't give her a happy, successful life with marriage and children. But perhaps that's not what Hope needed. Perhaps all Hope needed was a reality check. Someone to come along and make her realize that life wasn't always exactly what you expected it be.

Faith had always tried to be as accepting as she could towards Hope, her family, and their religion. But after that night, when she heard how disgusted Hope had been with herself – something snapped inside of Faith. It angered her immensely, knowing that the bible and her parents taught Hope to have such hatred and disgust towards something so natural. Towards herself, subsequently. And if Joana and Gabriel Chamberlain were such good people, then how could they hold such vicious beliefs against sexuality?

Faith hated them. She tried not to, but she hated them for what they were doing to their daughter. They weren't even aware that they were doing it, but Hope's parents were making her feel as though she was an anomaly. That having the feelings that she did were wrong and immoral.

Faith didn't pray, but she found herself praying every morning and night that their secret would be kept safe. That no one would find out, and that the two of them could continue living in their blissful little bubble of ignorance forever, undisturbed by the hatred that was accumulating in the world.

It was Sunday afternoon. Hope and Faith had spent the entire weekend down at the lake, swimming, drinking iced-tea, and enjoying the sunshine. There was only two weeks of summer break left, and then they would be facing the stark realities of the real world.

Faith wondered whether things would be the same in September. How would it feel to be going to school with Hope? Would they still see each other as often? Faith knew that this upcoming semester would be a busy one for Hope. She would be striving to maintain high grades, on top of applying to colleges. And then there was Faith, who still didn't have a clue what she was going to do with her life.

"Do you ever have that dream," Faith said, "Where you think you're waking up in the morning, and you start getting ready. But then you actually wake up for real and realize that you haven't even left your bed?"
"Sometimes. I have those dreams where you're trying to run or scream, but you can't."
"I hate that. It feels so suffocating."
"It's scary."
"Why do you want to marry Matthew?"
Hope looked at Faith, caught off guard by the question. "I think it's just something that I always knew would happen. Here in Meadow, there isn't much speculation for what we're going to do with our lives. When we meet somebody, and it's as serious as it is with Matthew, marriage is just kind of assumed."
"And you never had a problem with that?"
"Honestly?" Hope said. "No. I always just accepted it."
"But now..."
"Now I'm not too sure."
Faith was quiet for a moment. "I never really thought about marriage before. But then again, I'm only sixteen. I guess when I was younger I pictured myself growing up and having children, so there obviously had to be a husband involved. But I never really thought about it. Never let my mind wander too far into depth about it."
"That's fair. I know you've always been quite cynical when it comes to love."
"Who said I'm cynical?"
"You told me that a relationship can only end in one of two ways..."
"Yeah? That's the truth."
"So that's kind of cynical."
"No it's not. It's being realistic. I'm a realist."
"I'm aware."
Faith laughed. "And you're the optimist."
"There's nothing wrong with being an optimist."
"Yeah, until the world starts falling apart."
"And now you're just being a pessimist."
"What are we going to do, Hope?"
"About what?"
"Everything."
Hope thought about this question. "I still don't know. I guess we just try to live each day while we can. Keep trying to hope for the best."
"But what about Matthew? And your parents. I worry every single day that something will happen. That they'll find out and you'll get in trouble."
"They're not going to find out," Hope said. "And Matthew? Well, we're not speaking at the moment. But I'm sure we'll be talking again in a few days."
"You're still not wearing it," Faith nodded towards Hope's bare finger.
"I'm taking a little break from it," Hope said. "It was cutting off my circulation."
Faith found this amusing. "And if the world ends tomorrow, then what will we do?"
"Well," Hope said. "If it ends, then so be it."
"So be it," Faith echoed. "And when everything else is burning to hell, at least we'll have each other."