Hope and Faith

FIFTY-SIX: HOPE

They were sitting across from each other at the coffee shop. Their meeting felt so formal. It was making Hope uncomfortable. Matthew was fiddling with the mug between the palms of his hands. Hope was sitting still.

"So," Matthew said.
"So," Hope echoed.
He sighed. "We need to talk about this."
"Okay," Hope said. "Go right ahead then. Talk."
He sat up straighter and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry for the other night. But I do have to admit that I'm still concerned about you, Hope. You're changing, and that worries me."
"Why does that worry you? Why am I not allowed to excel and grow as a person? As an individual that is not attached to you?"
"Because you've never acted like this before. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that your conspicuous actions as of late can be traced back to one sole factor. And that is Faith."
"Stop. You and I both know that's not true."
"Oh, but it is. I talked with your parents. They share similar concerns."
Her heart dropped in her chest. "You talked to my parents?"
"Yes. We're worried about you, Hope," he reached his hand out and placed it on hers.
She pulled it away. "You've gone too far, Matthew."
"I'm trying to help you."
"Well I don't want your help. What you're doing isn't fair. I'm just living my life, being me. Why do you have such a problem with that?"
"Because it's not you! You don't act like this! And quite frankly, the girl you've become now is not the girl that I intended on marrying."
At those words, she froze. Her mind was racing but she didn't dare say a word. She took a few deep breaths and tried to compose herself.
"Well," she said slowly, carefully crafting the next words to come out of her mouth. "Then perhaps marriage isn't the best idea for us anymore."
His facial expression changed then. "Hope –"
"No," she held up her hand. "This little break that we're on," she gestured between the two of them. "Has officially been extended." She stood. "I need to take some time for myself. I need to find out who I am and what I want in life. And I can't do that with you around. So for the remainder of the summer – these last two weeks – I don't want to see or hear from you. Is that understood?"
"But Hope –"
"No," she said again, firmly this time, and she felt proud of her assertion. "This is non- negotiable. I'm leaving. Please do not contact me, and I swear, Matthew, do not contact my parents. Are we clear?"
He opened his mouth to say something, then snapped it closed again. "Crystal."

______

If Hope had had that conversation with Matthew any other time in her life, she'd be a wreck. Tears, crying, the heart-wrenching pain. But for some reason, she felt good. She walked out of the coffee shop with confidence, feeling like a brand new person. She held up her naked finger and smiled to herself. She thought: is this how it feels to be free?

She went home and continued on with her day as if nothing was the matter. She made a snack, wrote in her journal, and played on the piano. She was in a great mood. All she wanted to do was sing and dance, maybe work on a new puzzle.

However, her glorious mood only lasted so long. The silence at the dinner table indicated that her parents already knew. And by the looks on their faces, they were the farthest thing from happy.

"What were you thinking?" Joana said, breaking the unbearable silence.
"You will go to his house and apologize," Gabriel demanded.
"I will do no such thing," Hope said, refusing to eat any of the food on her plate. She would protest if she had to. Go on a hunger strike.
"What has gotten into you? Is it hormonal? Are you going through a difficult time?"
"What? No. I'm just living my life. I'm seventeen now. And I've realized that I want more in life."
"What does that even mean?" Gabriel asked. "You have everything you could ever want and need right here."
"I wouldn't expect you to understand," Hope said. She felt dangerous, talking to her parents this way. Like a rebel. Like Faith. "I'm just trying to figure some things out, okay? And it's just a two week break. It's not the end of the world."
"It is to him," Joana said. "He's devastated, Hope."
"He's the one who started it!" Hope yelled. "He told me that I'm not the girl he wants to marry."
"That's because you've changed."
"Everyone changes, mom! If we never changed, then how would we grow? How would we discover ourselves and learn what we want from life?"
"Changing is fine," Gabriel said. "But what you're doing isn't. This form of rebellion or whatever it is you're doing... it's not acceptable."
"I'm not doing anything! I'm just living my life, and Matthew had a problem with it."
"He told us what you asked of him," Joana said quietly. "The other night."
Hope felt her face go red.
"I hope you're ashamed of yourself," Gabriel said. "God does not take that sort of thing lightly."
"We didn't do anything," Hope told them. "Don't you worry about that."
"That's beside the point, Hope. You're acting out. Becoming someone else. We don't know what to do to help you."
"Here's an idea," Hope said. "You can do nothing. Just sit back and stop trying to dictate my life. I'm tired of it. Just give me a break, okay? Let me live my life how I want. And in two weeks, school will start. I will put my ring back on, and Matthew and I can continue on with our lives and forget any of this ever happened. Okay? I'm asking for two weeks."
They both stared at her, contemplating their next words.
It was Gabriel who spoke first. "Fine," he said. "You have two weeks to get this phase out of your system. And if in two weeks things haven't changed, then there will be consequences."