Hope and Faith

SIXTY-FOUR: HOPE

Days went by without speaking to Faith. It was the final week of summer. Seven more days until school began. All Hope wanted was her best friend back. She wanted to meet at their spot by the lake, drink iced-teas and get philosophical. She wanted to go back-to-school shopping with her, help her pick out a binder and a new set of pencils, because God only knew that Faith wouldn't have a clue what to buy for the new semester.

There was an ache that emanated from deep inside of her. The vacancy, the loss, the withdrawal. The hollow emptiness that took up occupation where Faith used to be. And despite her prior anger and resentment towards Faith and her decision, Hope couldn't help but miss her. Couldn't help but lay in bed at night, crying herself to sleep, because all she wanted to do was forgive her.

Hope wasn't being selfish. She justified her actions by telling herself that she had every right to be angry with Faith. She had made a drastic decision that wasn't just her decision to make. Faith wasn't thinking clearly. She was the one being selfish, not Hope. And she needed Faith to understand this. To come to terms with this reality.

But at the same time, Hope tried to search in her heart to resonate with Faith and understand where she was coming from. Okay, she was young, yes. And Hope could understand that she didn't want to be a mother or raise a child. But Hope's mind kept returning to the idea of adoption. It was such a perfect solution; how could Faith not see that?

The anger rose up inside of her once again. She hated this feeling. She hated it because it was directed towards the person she loved. The person she thought she loved. Did she still love Faith? It would be difficult to love someone who could do such a thing.

But she did love her. Oh, she loved Faith so much. And that was how Hope knew that they couldn't remain on bad terms for much longer. They would have to move passed this and find some way to forgive each other.

She could forgive her, couldn't she? Yes, it was a big deal, and yes, it wasn't just any type of fight. It wasn't even a fight. It was a disagreement on fundamental beliefs. It was the difference between supporting life or death. But Hope believed that they could eventually move passed it. Sure, it might take a while. But if Hope was willing to try, then surely Faith would be as well.

_______

It was the twenty-fifth of August when Hope finally decided to call Faith. She picked up the phone with jittery hands and dialed the number she had memorized by heart.

For the past week Hope had been feeling awful. Her performance at camp wasn't up to par, which ultimately made the rest of the team suffer considering Hope was their leader, the one they looked up to. And life at home wasn't any better. Ever since her fight with Matthew, her parents had been acting different. Quieter. Keeping their distance. As though Hope were some strange interloper in their home and they didn't know how to react to her presence.

And since she wasn't speaking with Matthew, Hope felt truly alone. All she wanted that entire week was to talk to Faith. Confide in her, put her hand on hers, listen to her heartbeat. But it wasn't that simple. She couldn't just go to Faith and ask for such a thing. There were too many unspoken words between them that they needed to sort out. And so that is why she picked up the phone and called her. Because this had gone on for far too long.