True Stories From My Terrible Love Life [✓]

I Grew Up In the House of the LORD

This chapter will be just a bit of background info on me, so you guys can have an opportunity of better understanding where I come from and why I do/say certain things. Or, why things for me are such a big deal when for everyone else they are not.

1. I AM AWKWARD AND INTROVERTED AF. Like, deadass. In real life, I'm probably one of the quietest people you'll ever meet. I got that as a superlative in 10th grade and other kids used to make jokes like "Alpaca talks?!!!11?!!1!!1!??????!!?!?1?" if I said something in class. But now, I'm actually not that bad because I've had four years to get comfortable with my high school peers. I can even occasionally joke with them (insert Watsky's "Oh my Goooooddddd" from "Brave New World").

As for my group of close friends, they're probably itching to leave a comment--if they haven't already--that I'm lying (but just think about how I was when we first met, hoes). Once I get really comfortable with people, I can talk a lot or be loud.

So yeah, I'm one of the shy kids, but I'm not the one in the back of the classroom that never ever talks to anyone and the most you ever hear from them is their breathing.

Ass (lol, I accidentally typed two S's so I'm just going to leave it like that) for awkwardness, I have some weird quirks and I am just socially awkward. I get super nervous with presentations or just answering a question in class if the teacher calls me out (I probably raise my hand willingly to answer 4 times a year). My mouth gets dry and I can stutter because of that, and l guess I'm not breathing enough?? Sometimes my breathing can get really short because I'm just trying to spit out what I have to say really fast. But, I'm trying to get better with all of this.

2. I HAVE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND. Nor, a first kiss. Sad, I know. The farthest I've ever gotten is holding hands with a boy in third grade, and hugging and leaning my head on Hermit Crab's shoulder. But, this fact is not something I stress over. I'm not desperate for one. If it happens it happens. I'm not the type of girl that can't live without a boyfriend.

3. I LIVE WITH MY DAD AND STEP-MOM. Yep. A sadly similar situation to a lot of kids out there. My parents got a divorce when I was 7 or 8. My biological mom hasn't seen me since (by her choice). My dad remarried when I was 10. So, whenever I mention "Mom", I'm talking about my step-mother.

I mention this because at some point during my stories I might say something really awful about her. We don't really get along anymore.

When I was little, everything was pretty great. I mean, she was a "new mommy" so of course I was happy. She did discipline me like she was supposed to and I've never been mad about that. I think what really changed things was me getting older and wanting more freedom, and her somewhat changing her parenting style (and a few things about her that don't have to do with parenting) to something that doesn't make any sense to me. (I'll probably look back on this and think, "What a little pain in the ass I was! It all makes sense now and I was just being an ignorant and naive teenager.")

4. MY PARENTS ARE REALLY STRICT. Omfg, most people don't know strict until they meet my parents.

My dad works for the Division of Family and Children Services at my state's county level, so you can probably already imagine, he hears all these terrible stories from work and wants to do everything he can to prevent that stuff from happening, and my mom just follows along with whatever my dad says. Both of my parents nearly think everything about modern culture is bad. This is mainly because they are an older generation (born in the 50s, Baby Boomers), but they do have more life experience than a lot of other young parents out there.

They are strict about clothing, music, friends, events I go to, and etc. Even my hair. I was never allowed to go to one of those little dances in middle school and I'm not allowed to go to prom. For my dad, he's mainly worried about how stupid other people will act. For my mom . . . I don't really understand her thought process.