True Stories From My Terrible Love Life [✓]

I'm Petty AF and Like to Destroy Everything Good by Over Analyzing

Despite feeling a sense of happiness and thrill on remembering the previous event that took place, I also couldn't help but feel a little nervous. What would happen next? Will something even happen again or was that just a onetime thing?

But I think I let my joy and excitement over finding a friend that likes to do crazy stuff get out of hand.

A few times the following week I asked if Ocelot wanted to drive to the other school after first period to practice driving stick. The first time he said no because he had to study for a test. The second time he said yes. The third time he said no because when he wasn't studying he liked to use the bus rides for sleeping. I stopped bugging him after that because I understood why he was really tired, since he works late almost everyday of the week.

Nothing happened that week beside me asking about him driving, but my friends Toucan and Iguana had a soccer game that Friday. Last minute we all talked about it that morning in front of Ocelot (we sit together in 1st period as a group). I planned on going but no one else made commitments.

During our last class period, I asked Ocelot if he wanted to go.

He told me he couldn't. His stereotypical Asian parents don't really let him go out except to work.

So, anyway, I went to my friends' game by myself. No big deal. I understand that people are busy and I had a good time watching them play (AND WIN. HAHAHAHAHA).

But, tell me why when I got home and checked Snapchat that I saw Ocelot and a bunch of people over at someone's house on Caracal's story?

They weren't having a party or anything; they looked like they were doing some school work due that night, but still, I got a little ticked.

Here comes the pettiness.

I felt dejected and a small sense of despair. Maybe he hadn't made those plans before, but if he had and had just given me an excuse, that was trash. He didn't have to lie, he could have just told me he had other plans. That would not have hurt my feelings whatsoever.

If that wasn't the case, then he gave me some BS answer about his parents because he didn't want to hang out.

Or, neither happened, but I still felt really sad.

(I'd say the most probable thing looking bad on this, if neither of those scenarios were the case, was maybe that he got a ride from a friend [or a friend asked him to go] and his parents said yes because it was a school thing. I know. I'm pathetic and petty.)

I started to realize that maybe I was annoying him. I was bugging him by always asking him to do something. Just because we had hung out once didn't mean we were all buddy-buddy. Maybe he hadn't really wanted to hang out in the first place and he was just being nice. Maybe he really hadn't wanted to go to Capstone and just settled to go somewhere with me. Maybe he did want to go, but everything was so awkward and he didn't really like it and he never wanted that to happen again. Maybe I was freaking him out.

And maybe I was over analyzing.

It started to become apparent to me how different our friend groups are. He hangs out with the "cool" kids. The kids who go out and do crazy things and have fun. My friends aren't the "popular" crowd, and we have fun in different ways. Our groups never really mix. We can get along one on one, but there's never a chance of me feeling comfortable in that group, and there's also never chance of them wanting to hang out with me because I'm that awkward kid.

For some reason, every little difference between Ocelot and I seem to magnify.

He can be outgoing and friendly and funny. And . . . I'm just not those things.

I decided I wanted to distance myself from him and end things. Not the friendship, just my interest in him as a closer friend or something more.

I relayed all this to my friend Toucan. She understood where I was coming from and agreed with me.

I felt bad about it, but I didn't want to annoy him or hurt myself by continuing to pine after some guy that wasn't that compatible with me.

Though all of this didn't last long. Soon enough, I terminated this plan to stay away.