True Stories From My Terrible Love Life [✓]

It's Not Stalking, It's Called Watching From Afar

I do this weird thing when I'm first starting to crush on a guy . . . . . I just kinda watch them. I just observe their overall beauty physically, what they're doing, and their personality with their friends. I don't know, it's weird man. #AlwaysWatching

In the 10th grade, I didn't really have any guys I interacted with like I did in the previous year. But, there was a guy I did have a crush on. A small crush. I rarely talked to him.

I guess that's one of my problems, I never try talking to people.

He was pretty good looking. Wavy dark hair, pretty eyes, a nice nose, really full lips (honestly they were so beautiful, I was jealous man), a strong jawline, and he had a really nice build. Like, seriously. Muscular arms and broad shoulders. When he would stretch or something and the bottom of his shirt would rise up, his V lines were deep enough to make your eyes roll into the back of your head and your lashes flutter. This man was a work of art.

He was also a smart, a good artist, and kind of quiet but blunt when he spoke his mind--which I found pretty attractive. Plus, he had a pretty good sense of humor. Let's call him . . . Sloth.

But, of course, there were a few problems.

One: He was firm in his beliefs. That's good about half the time. As far as I could tell, he had a lot of underlying bitterness about religion. He was atheist, but one of the stereotypical rude ones (Side note: this isn't meant to offend anyone. I don't care what your religion is and you more than likely don't care what mine is. I don't care if your non-religious. My point is, don't be rude about other people's beliefs. That just pisses me off.).

Two: He was arrogant and super confident in most everything. From grades to girls. From sports to sex.

Three: He had a girlfriend a year older and was . . . very sexually active from what he and others said. He was very open about it and that made me nervous. Despite having a girlfriend, he was always very friendly and semi-flirty with other girls that he was closer to (but even to this day I think that's kind of his style and personality). He was always pretty friendly and I guess that's just how he shows it. It wasn't weird or awkward from my observations, and I never heard that it caused any problems with his girlfriend (though I did hear from even him that she was always very threatening to other girls that tried to hit on him heavily).

So, all this being said, I was very intimidated. He was a cool person (not as in popular, but as in interesting) and I was a very awkward, stuttering mess. I didn't really make serious efforts to talk to him, but I kind of just observed him from a distance like I do with some other crushes.

I'M NOT A STALKER. I'm just a people watcher and I like seeing how people do different things. And, I think I just avoid people if they're out of my league.

But here's an account of our few interactions. Not in chronological order.

We did talk about art sometimes, not too much or in depth. But, he was good at critiquing art and if I wanted his opinion on something, he would gladly give it.

I don't remember how exactly, but he found out about my "innocence" (I put it in quotations because at the time I was not only physically innocent but knowledge-wise too. For the most part I still am, but I still have overheard a lot in my four years of high school.). I think it was by way of interrogation. I remember one day he asked me a bunch of questions, personal and awkward questions. He asked me about being a virgin, saving myself for marriage, and some other things. I remember the smirk on his face when he asked me if I had even kissed someone and I just shook my head "no"  while my face heated up in embarrassment.

After Sloth came to that know all that, he messed with me for a short while. A couple of time he hugged me really hard, and once came up behind me for a hug. Another time we were sitting next to each other and put his hand on my knee and slowly ran it up my thigh before I pushed it off of me.

One time he even took my phone before class started and put it in his butt pocket. He told me that to get it back I had to grab it myself. That time I was so distressed about the whole situation that I almost did it. I was checking out his butt to see which pocket he put it in but class started.

No, I didn't touch his butt. He noticed how flustered and uncomfortable I was, so he snuck it into my book bag instead.

At some point, he stopped messing with me. I think me, or a friend of mine, or both of us, told him that I didn't really like people touching me. Which is true. The only reason Hermit and I even hugged or leaned on each other sometimes is because I was very comfortable with him.

Generally speaking, none of those things Sloth did really made me that mad. I think there was only one time he for real ticked me off.

Because of innocence, and never having been with a boy, and not even liking to be touched that much, he concluded I was gay and tried to force that on me. His logic was if I didn't throw myself on guys or like being touched, I must be a lesbian.

"I'm not a lesbian."

"Yes, you are. If you don't do anything about it now [like date, kiss, or have sex with a girl], then you''ll definitely get curious in college."

"No, I won't."

"Yes, you will. You're going to be one of those kids that goes crazy in college."

The latter part of what he said might be true, but the former is definitely not. I know my sexuality ("Harry Styles wearing $750 Gucci jeans cuffed with Vans"--that's my Instagram bio that I stole from a post on Tumblr), don't try to tell me what I am if you barely know me.

So, really, nothing happened between us. I just admired him and his beauty from a distance.

I know what you're probably thinking, "Alpaca, why do you seem to like all these assholes?"

Yeahhh, I will admit that Hermit Crab and Sloth both have douche bag qualities.

Well, Hermit was an asshole but Sloth was one for different reasons (though he wasn't really one towards me). And, I may not have conveyed Sloth's personality well. Half the time he wasn't trying to be rude, like I said before, he's just really blunt and honest about his thoughts and opinions. Him "messing" with me is also just a part of his personality. He's a friendly guy even if he comes off as a jerk sometimes.

As of now, Sloth and I still talk occasionally. We work on a major project together and he still continues to impress me with his ideas and innovations. I truly and honestly appreciate how he works as a partner and his talent.

Also, when the older girl he was dating graduated, they broke up. From my understanding, it was because of her going away to college and him not wanting to limit her. Or so I heard. His current girlfriend is an underclassman, one of my sister's best friends actually, and you can't NOT ship them. If you don't, something's just wrong. She's a sweetheart and an artist, too. Their relationship is so cute and it makes me so happy to see them together.

Oh, my God. I sound sappy. Ending chapter now. *screen turns static-y then black*

But here's a quick fun fact: Sloth's former, older girlfriend was the girl that Hermit was sitting with on the bus in 10th grade and trying to win over when she had a boyfriend.