∆ Week in P∆r∆dise // Bastille

I'm Sorry, I Really Am

**One Week Later**

Everything with Dan was just surreal.  I walked down the street holding Dan Smith from Bastille’s hand.  Thousands of girls would kill for my position… that’s why I couldn’t do it.  I left him a note, and asked Ann to come get me a day early from when I was going back to Leeds.  I knew Dan would be heart-broken, but everything was still too much.  There was too much he still didn’t know about me; frankly, I didn’t want him to know about my past.  The note I left read:

Dan,

This summer has been, by far incredible.  It’s been the best time of my life, but I can’t stay.  I need to go back to England, to Leeds.  Now, I won’t give you any sappy excuses about what my heart wants, but what I will tell you is that; I’m not ready. The spotlight I’m in right now, I can’t handle it.  I need the dust to settle for a little bit.  Let me finish my last year at Uni, and then let’s see where we are.  Who knows, I might be touring with Phantom, or I’ll be touring as an actual act, signed by a record label. 

This, seriously has nothing to do with how you didn’t treat me right, or what ever girls have said to you in the past.  I love you, so much.  I’m just sill dealing with so much right now, and I don’t have the courage to explain it to you.  (FOR THE RECORD—I WAS NOT A PORN STAR)  It’s just difficult for me to say out loud.  It takes so much, and I don’t have that right now.  My friend Kristie, has already bought tickets to your next show in Leeds.  We’ll be front row, and I’ll be making sure you do everything right.  I might even let you, make me sing with you… Yes Kyle told me how much you’ve wanted that to happen.

Daniel Campbell Smith, I love you. Honest, I do, I’m just not in a good place right now, and I don’t want to drag you down with me.  Hopefully, everything will be better by October, when we meet again.  Tell Woody, Kyle and Will that I miss them too, and that I’ll see them there as well.  I love you, Dan.  You don’t even know how much.

They say when you love something, set it free; and if it comes back to you, it was meant to be.  I hope that’s true in our case and we’ll find each other, one way or another.

Yours forever,

Cameron MacAllister

Ann drove me over to their hotel and I left the note on his pillow, before heading off to LAX.  There were tear streaks on the paper, and I was crying as I left.  The drive from Anaheim to LAX was quiet, and painful.  I cried up until I got to the gate.  As I walked through security, a female guard came up to me, “Sweetheart, are you okay?” 

“I just left the love of my life behind, because I wasn’t ready.”  My passport and ticket were in my hand, shaking.  The security guard tried to console me, but I told her that I just needed time, and she let me through.  I struggled to find my gate through tear filled eyes.  When I got to customs, the security guard asked me the normal questions for when you’re leaving the country, then let me through.

When I got there, I still had an hour to kill before my plane arrived, so I sat back and put on my earbuds. Sadly, it was my Bastille, and To Kill a King playlist, making me cry even more. The hour passed quickly, and the plane arrived on time.  I boarded without second thought, even though I thought I heard someone scream my name in the corridor.  I knew that this was what I needed to do. It would better this way.  Dan would be happier.  I texted Kristie before we took off, telling her when I was landing at Heathrow and asked if she could come get me.  She replied almost immediately, “Of course, love.  Mum said you can spend the rest of holiday at our house in London.  If you don’t want to go back to the flat.”  I smiled down at my phone, until a text from Dan came through.

 The tears that had finally dissipated, came again. I couldn't stop thinkingthat I had made the wrong decision.  A middle-aged woman with presumably her daughter came to sit next to me.  I had the window seat, and the girl had the middle while her mother had the aisle seat.  I tried to wipe the tears away so the little girl couldn’t see.

“Mummy,” They were obviously from London by their harsh accents.  “That pretty girl is crying.” She looked up at me, offering a smile.  I smiled back, and she put her hand on mine.  “Are you scared of flying? But it’s so much fun!” She exclaimed, and my smile grew wider.

“No, sweetie, I’m not afraid.  I just made a really hard decision, and I’m nervous that it wasn’t the right one.” Her mother was looking at me, with kindness in her eyes.

“What’s your name, hunny?” The woman asked me, and I replied with my name.  “How old are you?” I told her my age, and that I was a student at uni.  “I don’t want to get to personal, but if you need advice, I’ve been through a lot when I was your age.  It’s not easy, I know.”

I took a deep breath, “Thank you, so much.  I just kind of left… my boyfriend and told him I needed time to process everything that was going on between he and I.” When I was crying, the accent I was developing came out and I sounded like a true Briton.

The woman and I talked for most of the eleven hour plane ride to Heathrow.  We got off the plane, and the little girl, whose name was Elizabeth, my middle name, gave me a bear hug and said, “Don’t worry Cameron, you and Dan will get married and live happily ever after!” She laughed and I smiled.

Then her mother, Grace, gave me a hug as well, “If he truly loves you, and you truly love him; you’ll find someway, somehow to be together.  I promise,” She whispered to me, before letting me out of the embrace and smiling at me.  Grace and Elizabeth said their goodbyes as we parted ways.  I haven’t seen them since.