Inside Out Thoughts

Jealously

I'm a very jealous person. Most people don't know that. I keep it to myself because I know I'm just being a baby. But its true.

My best friend and I kind of had a sort of falling out last year. We're fine now but its still not the same. She stopped liking a lot of things that we bonded over. Don't get me wrong. She's my best friend and she always will be. I fucking love her to death. But again it's just not the same.

We used to facetime every night and I mean every night. Then she started talking to an inernet friend. Trust me I was so happy for her because shes very anti-social and doesn't have a lot of friends. But then I had a few conversations with this girl and she just gave me a vibe. Back to the whole empath thing. We can pick up on bad energy's. And the girl to me is just annoying and obnoxious. And after my best friend started talking to her she started changing.

Before: Me and for the sake of it lets just call her...Peggy. So me and Peggy used to plan out our future together all the time. We would love down to Florida in a condo and I would be a baker while she would be a writer. And we would have a bunch of gay shit everywhere and have 2 dogs.

Now: Peggy wants to move to California. Leave me behind. And become an actress.

Again I am all for her following her dreams but. She is one of the shyest people I know. She was such bad anxiety talking in front of our grade which shes known for her whole life. And she throws HUGE fits when she was to read at mass. Its like JESUS CHRIST. I love you but you're fucking ridiculous. (Sorry for the language I've had all this bottled up for a long time)

And now she flew out to California with her mom and she finally met her inernet friend. I hate it but I'm so fucking jealous of their relationship. And I have talked to her about it but she just brushes it off and I don't excpect her to totally drop that friendship. Don't think that. Its again. I'm so fucking jealous. And I hate it. So much.

Also back to the facetime thing(sorry this is kind of all over the place). A couple times when we were still facetiming; not every night but still on occasion; she would abruptly be like my dad wants me to do something and hang up. Then I would find out she just left to facetime her internet friend. Do you know how shitty that made me feel?

Ugh. Whatever.