Inside Out Thoughts

2 months

Today wasn't the greatest to say the least long story short I got so upset that I had to go to the bathroom to cry it's not fun not at all but it's okay we all get frustrated and we all cry but still sucks I don't know what to do about my friend anymore I want to be friends with her so bad I miss our old relationship but she's just changed so much and I don't want to be around her cuz she's toxic and she doesn't make me happy anymore I just want things to go back to the way they were that's okay cuz Life Changes I really wish I hadn't cut my hair I don't feel like a girl anymore I just feel like a boy and I hate that so much I miss my long hair and of course when I want my hair to grow it feels like it's not only two more months of school thankfully I just want to be away from all this drama all these toxic people okay little rambling about silence I'm not going to spoil anything but I don't understand how Oakley's family didn't realize for 11 years that she was choosing not to talk and not that she couldn't physically talk 11 years I don't understand how it didn't cross their minds once were they really that blind obviously she was going through something was it because they didn't want to accept it I don't know it's just something I've been thinking about since I've been rereading it we all make mistakes we can't change the past as much as we want to we can't and we'll be burdened with our mistakes until we feel like we can finally forgive ourselves it's just some mistakes take longer than others it's my fault it is nobody has to say that it's not because I'm fully aware it is and I deserve everything in my ex has done to me because just cuz it's so weird because  one side of my mind saying it's not your fault he's manipulative and that's why you're blaming yourself and the other side is saying no it is your fault you're the reason why he's doing this but I know the first side is right he I was in a abusive relationship he's manipulated me into thinking that it's my fault it's not though I think and I've always thought like when I was younger it's crazy how girls think that it's their fault when they are in an abusive relationship but it's so different when you're in it yourself it's crazy now that I'm thinking about it no matter how many times I tell myself it's not my fault there's always that little voice in the back of my head saying it is really sucks makes you feel horrible I'm so stressed and worried about my family that's not my feelings won't change anything I just wanted to be summer time I just want to graduate but I don't want to lose my friends that's the worst part of it all I love them so much I just want to be away from my ex though finally be free 2 months that's all 2

Sorry about all the grammer mistakes I needed to ramble out loud so I used a voice thingy on my phone.