Always Is Not Forever (Breaking Myself - Part II)

28. The One Where I Never Got a Chance

Parting the lid of my laptop, I entered the password and met the screen before clicking on the facetime and talk to her. Tomorrow was the day when I would reveal everything to Kabir and then hear the proposal he had for me, hear if he even wanted to go through it anymore.

Crossing my legs on the bed, I connected to her, and within minutes, Dr. Sha's face became visible to me.

"How's everything, Alina?" She asked.

"Confused." I twisted my lips to her answer. "Tomorrow is Kabir's birthday." She nodded. "He's going to propose me on his birthday."

The calm look on her face slipped for a second before she maintained it again. "That's fast," She answered, a bit of frown visible on her forehead as I toyed with the edge of my top. "Marriage means-"

"I know," I cut her off. "But he's ready to wait."

"Did you talk to him?" She asked.

"Talk what? Tell him he's my nightmare? That how his girlfriend is scared of him? Then no, I haven't told my boyfriend that I imagine him as Rishi now and that I'm scared of him. That I've nightmares of him forcing me." I slipped my hands into my face, groaning in them. "I will tell him tomorrow."

"Good. You both need to talk. He needs to see. And if doesn't work, you both need to break it off. Alina, your health is much important than anything."

What? See how after everything he tried to do I was scared of him? After all possible ways he suggested of talking about it I was fucking scared of it? After everything, we been through there was no way we both could survive the tornado awaiting us?

"But why him?" I asked in a small voice.

"You're coming to Delhi tomorrow, right?" I nodded to her question. "Have you ever thought of interacting with people who had gone through same as you?"

"Sexual assault?"

She nodded. "But not all. A support group. It can help you if you engage with them and see how they are performing."

People who were like me? I thought harder, biting my lower lip and thought about her idea. She had suggested before when I was in school but I had shaken my head, too scared of meeting people who had gone through what I had gone through, scared of what it would do to my mind.

But now, I felt I could do it.

I had to do it. I had to see people who were like me, who stepped up to live and look for better future rather than locking themselves up.

People who were strong.

"Will it trigger something in me?"

"We need to see," She said. "It'll help. Any step you take towards healing will help you. They'll be just like you. You won't feel apart. You'll feel normal."

"Normal?"

"Normal. They've gone through what you have. They will understand."

She was right. They would understand what nobody could. They could feel the pain I felt that ripped me apart in pieces. They would the meaning of force.

"I can tray that. I will try that."

She smiled, and the rest of the minutes we were left, I talked about one of my memory of the past, revealed the horrors attached to it, and then, she suggested something else.

"Exposure therapy?"

"It's related to your PTSD to make you accustomed to your triggers and talk about it," She explained. "Come to Delhi. I will explain everything. You need to come twice a week in Delhi."