Always Is Not Forever (Breaking Myself - Part II)

36. The One Where I Shoot

"Time?" Mrs. Venkat asked, watching me behind her reading glasses. "You need time?"

Licking my lower lip, I nodded, hugging my books tighter to my chest. I could feel Kriti's secretive glances from behind the door of the classroom. She was worried about the response I would get from our teacher for not submitting my assignment on time. Her reason was valid. She never handled the late behavior from students, and she didn't mind marking bad scores on the same.

This assignment had to be counted in the final result.

And here I was, too lag behind with it. I tried studying it last night and went through the pages and when I thought of writing it, my hand didn't move on the keypad.

They were struck.

"The writing thing," I made up an excuse. "My publishers-"

"I don't want to hear it," She cut it off. "You know I hate excuses, Alina." I held my head lower. "I don't care about your professional life if it's heckling your academics." Her reason was valid. I couldn't stop studying just because of writing, but what to do when they both were tied up too much. "What is it, Alina? No more participation from your side. No more arguing and discussion. If it would be just me, then it was fine, but every professor is saying the same."

The humiliation burn through me. I had never been scolded for my behavior because there was one thing I thought I was good at, and I no longer could concentrate at one thing I was good at, one thing that kept everything at bay. One thing that was mine to own and be proud of. I was no longer good at it.

"I don't know what's going on," She continued. "But get it together. You need time. Fine, I will give you but I need the best report you can write me. I need the author there." She shut the file and placed it on the table. "I need your thoughts. Don't give me crap or else I will tear it. You always give me best." She hesitated. "You can go to the college counselor."

Hoisting my gaze to the board at her back, I cocked my head to the side, reviewing her suggestion. "I already see a psychiatrist," I mumbled. From the corner of my eye, I found her nodding. "I will not disappoint you. Thank you for the time. And I will get it together soon."

Sighing, she added, "If you need help, I'm here. If you're comfortable taking-"

"I'm fine." It had been such a long time to that incident. I didn't want to be reminded of how I was an inch away from being assaulted again in my life. "Thank you."

"Whatever it is," She leaned down on the table, staring tenderly at me. "It will be okay. Bad phase happens in life and one day you stand up from them. I don't want to lose my bright student."

Nodding, I turned and strode out of the classroom, drank Kriti's curious face and without replying walked to the garden on the college. I could feel her following me, but she had to leave me. I didn't need a babysitter next to me every single time, guiding and taking care of what I was doing.

I could take care of myself.

"Kriti, you've a lecture. Leave." Not caring for her response, I sat down on the bench and started going through my phone.

"What she said?" She asked, sitting next to me. "My lecture can wait. If only you could've chosen romance poets as a subject." I rolled my eyes. "I know Kabir broke your heart and it made you stop believing in love when you filled the subjects."

"She gave me time. Will you mind leaving me alone now? You're getting on my head. Don't you have a life rather than following me all day?" I asked harshly, deleting the old messages and creating space for something useful.

"You know what Alina?" The humid air hit my face. "You're such a bitch." Shocked by her words, I swirled my head to her direction, confused on what she was saying. "Since he left you, I'm being nothing but supportive but it doesn't mean you treat me like crap. I get you're too rich and popular to pay attention to our friendship. I get your past and everything. You're not rich here. You don't throw orders at me."