Always Is Not Forever (Breaking Myself - Part II)

5. K I A R A ' S P O V

With the whispers of the dress, I trailed down the stairs in the pursuit of an answer I had no clue of. My eyes wandered back at the plain white door-engaging and fighting to see if he had slept peacefully. But my work was done here as those sleek fingers brushed down the silver cold metal, my steps carried me outside of the four walls and scream in the chilling night.

He wasn't supposed to know.

He was never supposed to venture into the dark reality I had hidden from his eyes. We were getting better, leaving behind the cruel world of ours and entering into something new with a new sense of maturity.

But everything was broken.

For the second time.

He would never forgive me.

Something crackled in my heart, a despise for the poison my brother held in his heart to make me reach into this position. His despise and loath for Abeer had made me crawl to the position of utter helplessness with no light out. He made me reach back into this place where I felt the sudden guilt of hiding the truth, of lying to him ages ago, of never being able to express the truth, and he was done.

I scrunched the dress in my hand and flourished back to my home to confront his breach and exposing my secret as if it was his to declare. It was mine as dad had said. It was mine when I had ordered Adi to stay out of it but it didn't give a fruitful result where it was uttered behind my back.

"What did you do?" I shouted as soon as my feet landed in the living hall. I didn't care anyone could hear the truth. I didn't wonder what reaction it would have on my mother who had no whiff about this. I didn't care about the reactions I would face. All I remembered was a depressed face, drowning his tears in my lap as if everything would be okay in the morning. "You promised to stay out of it."

"You promised to stay away from him," He said calmly, his one knee rested on other with a hand of wine in his hand to challenge me to speak in front of everyone.

"I love him." And I slapped my own brother after years. I was bursting with anger and frustration for the truth that escaped from his mouth. But deep down I was scared of what if I lose the love again and never get a chance to get it back. "It wasn't your secret to tell."

"He deserved to know," He whispered, not a strain of my hand against his cheek. Maybe it didn't matter to him he played with my life, maybe he tried being my elder brother again, and maybe I shouldn't have called him to the hospital that day. "He would have known one day."

"But not today," My voice cracked. It could have been any day where our relationship was strong, not holding on to the scraps of what we had shredded, not hoping this would work out. "That was our personal matter."

"What's happening here?" Mom intervened but I didn't dare to turn my head to face her, didn't have a spirit to tell how much I hate my brother in this exact moment when he tried to control me again.

"Nothing." Because I couldn't whisper it to you that I was pregnant and lost my baby in an accident. I couldn't tell that I was married to Abeer but due to his drug problem and brother, I had to break everything off. I couldn't explain anything to you because there were too many secrets hidden in the corner of my heart.

Without a single utterance of the night, I flashed back to my room and slammed the door as if that was enough to keep the secrets from leaving the Pandora box.

I wasn't supposed to be here, acting there was nothing wrong in the way we met a week ago. I wasn't supposed to lie to him that whatever Adhyant had been a clear white lie to take a response out of him. I wasn't supposed to stand here with a clipboard in my hand and a pencil stuck between my lips while my eyes didn't settle in one corner of the room.